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I'm going to start this post with some "puzzle pieces" that I think you will find interesting and informative. The first three are of Flash Mobs that just happened this past Saturday - September 28, 2019. I am so inspired by these people standing up for what they believe in and ALL of our rights! I considered going to the Virginia Beach event and participating but the timing is not right for our family just yet. So I did the next best things by supporting their efforts financially and now - sharing. There were two other flash mob/educational events happening in Tampa and Atlanta the same day - that is so awesome! Way to go East Coast! Click on each event below for video of each event. Virginia Beach Flash Mob! Follow Yvette here - she is an amazing advoate for Virginians! Tampa, Florida Flash Mob Atlanta, Georgia Flash Mob Pictures from the Atlanta Flash Mod - I love how creative they were! Of course these were all inspired by the west coast activist Joshua Coleman. Here are some videos of two flash mobs he organized in California and a speech he gave about his vision: V is for Vaccine. I have been following what is happening around the country. In NYS this week there was a injunction hearing in Bath, NY (Steuben County). It is so amazing to see how many people are showing up to fight for our freedoms. Here are some links to check out what happened yesterday: Religious Freedom For NY - look at these amazing photos of so many beautiful people! Facebook Live with Rita Palma Two articles I thought were very interesting and worthwhile are linked here: The Doctor Who Beat The British General Medical Council By Proving That Vaccines Aren’t Necessary To Achieve Health <- I love reading stories from medical doctors. I think this one will blow your mind! Why do people get the flu after getting the flu shot? <- so many links in this article! And now some random ramblings. Every day I think about this issue. I compose several posts and or blogs in my mind. Of course, I don't have time to hash everything out! I know that I just have to continue to share in any way I am able.
I hope that what some people will see from checking these links out is that: 1) This movement is large and growing every day. Just because we are a minority (small percentage of the population), that does not mean we are insignificant. We are many and you probably know someone who is "antivax". The hatred and anger that is often expressed towards those in this movement is the result of propaganda and fear mongering. It is not based on truth, love or science. Many are silent still because they are scared. It would be wise to replace any anger, fear, or hate in your heart with curiosity and love. You may be hating someone you actually love. 2) You cannot count on "mainstream" media if you want information about this WORLDWIDE movement. You need to seek the information out for yourself. I think that what I am most disappointed about when I think about this issue is the lack of compassion and curiosity. I hope that both of these continue to spread and quickly. Things are moving in a dangerous and scary direction and we all have to do our part to change that. But I am also encouraged by the love and support from the people who matter most in my life. I have a lot of hope because there are many people who are reaching out via private message, who are sharing their stories, and people who express a desire to learn more. I hope you will start picking up the puzzle pieces with me today and inspect them closely!
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The HPV vaccine is a relatively new addition to the schedule for teens and preteens that is advertised as helping to prevent cervical cancer. Many parents have been hesitant about this vaccine. I was watching a video of RFK Jr in Connecticut this past March and I learned that the safety study for Gardisil (the HPV vaccine available in the United States) had some serious flaws. You can watch that video here. We learn in middle school that the best scientific studies are done when we compare an experimental group with a control group. Yet in the safety study of Gardasil they did a couple of questionable things. First, they did have a true placebo group with a saline shot (which is not the case with almost all other vaccines.) However the control group was much smaller than the other two groups. The experimental group receiving the vaccine had 5088 subjects. The saline group had a mere 320 subjects. Obviously this is not a good design, as control is very small and the statistical power is seriously diminished in this case. However, there was a third group called the AAHS control which stands for: Amorphous Aluminum Hydroxyphosphate Sulfate. These subjects received a shot that did not have HPV but did have a strong aluminum adjuvant. You can see in the chart below that when they looked at the more serious possible reactions they put the AAHS group together with the Saline group. Then when the rates of the conditions were similar that concluded that the vaccine was safe. What were the rates in the true placebo group? We don't know. We only know that the vaccine group and the aluminum group have similar rates. This is a huge problem because it could be the aluminum in the vaccine that is causing some or many of the reactions. You can find this study and look for yourself here: https://www.fda.gov/media/74350/download Another great read is JB Handley's book: How to End the Autism Epidemic. Chapter 4 goes through a deposition of Dr. Stanley Plotkin, a key figure in the history of vaccine development. On p 112 of this book Handley summarizes an exchange regarding this Gardisil data. Mr Siri is the lawyer deposing Dr. Plotkin, a passage from the book: Overall, the Gardisil trial showed that 2.3 percent of the women who received either the vaccine or the combined aluminum/saline developed a systemic autoimmune condition within six months. Mr. Siri explained to Dr. Plotkin, and got him to confirm, that the saline group, had it been reported separately, actually had an adverse event rate of zero. "And then if we had a third column that was just the saline placebo, it would show 0 percent?... Wouldn't that have been a significant finding to report?" If you go to Merk's website you can see that the most current form of the vaccine, Gardasil 9, was compared for safety only to the previous version of the vaccine, there is NO placebo control. From the website:
"Study Design: Safety of GARDASIL 9 was evaluated in 7 clinical studies that included 15,703 individuals who received at least 1 dose of GARDASIL 9 and 7,378 individuals who received at least 1 dose of GARDASIL as a control; both groups had safety follow-up. The vaccines were administered on the day of enrollment and the subsequent doses administered approximately 2 and 6 months thereafter. Safety was evaluated using vaccination report card (VRC)–aided surveillance for 14 days after each injection of GARDASIL 9 or GARDASIL. Injection-site reactions (pain, swelling, and erythema) and oral temperature were solicited using VRC-aided surveillance for 5 days after each injection of GARDASIL 9 during the clinical studies. bPost any dose." There are many heartbreaking stories of vaccine injury and death following the HPV vaccine. However, they do not make mainstream headlines. You have to dig for yourself. Elijah Eugene Mendoza-Bunch is spreading the word of the death of his son last summer, following vaccination for HPV. You can watch many families share their stories of injury from this vaccine here. Parents and children are able to opt out of this vaccine (and all vaccines!) but there has been a push in many states to pass laws making the HPV mandatory for school. Some parents may feel like this vaccine is not relevant to the larger discussion surrounding vaccines. I've had friends and parents tell me that they are generally pro-vaccine but have concerns about this vaccine. This is exactly why the decision to vaccinate must not be taken out of parents hands. Mandates and regulations are a slippery slope and new vaccines are always being developed: how about a vaccine against the common cold?!? If you want to maintain your rights to choose medical treatments that are right for you and your family, the time to stand up is now! Get informed, spread the word, and let your legislators know that vaccine mandates are unconstitutional and immoral. Yesterday I learned that another baby died after receiving vaccines. This 8 week old baby received 9 (nine!) different vaccines on Thursday and died on Friday. And I have to wonder - where is the outrage? Where are the front page headlines? Recently a baby that had measles WAS headline news in a mainstream publication. Today? The baby is alive and well, completely recovered. She had measles months ago - but it is headline news. Ask yourself: Why?! Another baby died on March 1st, a day and a half after receiving her 6 month vaccines. Silence. People say that sharing these stories is fear mongering. I say: if you are a parent these stories SHOULD scare you. I've read hundreds of stories of vaccine injury and death over the years and they never become less heart breaking. It should scare you because these parents DID vaccinate, they DID trust their doctors, they DID believe in vaccines - and they never thought this would happen to them. Their message is always the same: Parents - do your research! What they DON'T immediately say? Stop Vaccinating. Even after death and permanent injury they are not audacious enough to say such a thing. They do not presume to be an expert or offer medical advice. They simply say: Dig in. And yet, this message - to seek information - is turned into the "biggest health threat" of our time. Is that rational? These stories absolutely break my heart. But believe it or not - it gets WORSE. What can be worse than your child dying or being permanently harmed by vaccines? Being told that you are: crazy, wrong, selfish, a monster, a threat to society and worse. These families enter an entirely new dimension where they are ridiculed and ostracized and COMPLETELY IGNORED by the majority. They are abandoned by friends, loved ones, and medicine when they need them the most. All because something horrific happened to them and they want to share their stories. They NEED to share their stories. Because being heard and seen is an essential human need and crucial to our healing process. Beyond their personal pain though, they want to WARN others, to prevent their personal nightmare from happening to others. And for this noble desire they are called child abusers, dangerous, misinformation spreaders, ignorant, stupid and on and on. It is absolute cruelty and insanity. This "debate" has heated up to the boiling point these past couple of months. I have dipped my toes in - commenting on a few friends' posts on Facebook, sharing a few posts with friends. It is not an exaggeration to say that this issue has completely captured my mind and heart - I am quite obsessed. Every day I read, every day I learn, and every day my heart breaks. I have wept and agonized about it. I saw this Venn diagram a while ago and I realized (again) that I must speak up. What am I good at? I am good at talking to people - especially people I love - about hard things. I am exceptionally empathetic and strive to remain in love. As much as I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS... it is my present calling.
People who are strongly for vaccines express anger at people who question vaccine safety. They say we are putting others in danger. They say we are selfish and arrogant to believe that we could know better than "Science" and "Experts". But I am angry too. I am angry that children must continue to suffer for our human arrogance and pride. I am angry that people continue to choose ignorance. The only way the extreme Pro-vax message can survive and dominate the conversation - "Vaccinate your damn kids!" - is by willful ignorance. I am angry at myself: For my silence; For not being braver. If Harriet Tubman can escape SLAVERY and then GO BACK - not once, but REPEATEDLY - to save others, then why can't I at least speak up?? I have reasons, possibly good reasons, to be scared. I see what happens to people that speak up: they lose friends; they are ridiculed and called names; some receive death threats. But still, I am angry at myself for my silence. And it over time it manifests itself inside of me - I become despondent, full of despair and depressed. I think of how some people say, "Depression is Anger turned inward." This morning I am not angry. I am light. Speaking up lets the light in. I started this blog almost exactly 7 1/2 years ago, inspired by a friend who encouraged me to use my voice. Ironically, that same friend later shared that he thought parents who don't vaccinate should be jailed and/or die a horrible death by disease. Not coincidentally, I have not written on this blog in almost 2 1/2 years. My last 2 posts were about vaccines before I went silent. I will not be silent anymore and let fear dictate my course. I am scared, yes. But I am also grateful. Grateful for those who share, who dig, who listen, and who pave the way with their bravery. I am grateful for my life and my family's health. I am incredibly fortunate for the life I am living, and I owe a huge debt to those who share their stories. It's time for me to be brave. It's time for you to be brave too. Start where you are. If you have chosen to ignore this issue - Stop. There is so much information out there and it is absolutely overwhelming. You will not find all of the answers in a couple of hours. A quick google search for the "Science" supporting vaccines will not suffice. You. Must. Dig. And if you must take a break, then take a break. And then dig some more. It's time. Start where you are. If you learn something that blows your mind - share it. Or "like" it. Or leave a comment. It's time. Start where you are. Say something to someone you love and trust about what you have learned, or what you fear. It's time. Start where you are. Call your legislator. Write a letter. It's time. The conversation around vaccines MUST change. But first it must begin. I came across an article today about a study that analyzed comments on a Facebook post. The comments were on a picture that Mark Zuckerberg posted of his baby before getting vaccines. (You can read the study here: A comparison of language use in pro- and anti-vaccination comments in response to a high profile Facebook post.) But I want to focus on the article written about the study, which you can read here: Study Finds Surprising Results in Vaccine Debate on Zuckerberg’s Facebook Post. The writer begins by explaining how ugly this "debate" is: both sides get heated, call each other names, and generally behave poorly. I agree - "quack" and "sheeple" seem to be the two derogatory terms thrown across the line at the opposing side regularly. But when the researchers analyzed the comments they were surprised to learn the following: Both sides expressed similar levels of anger, but the most significant finding was that the pro-vaccine comments were more emotional and fearful, while the anti-vax comments were more logically structured, and tended more toward ideas related to health, biology, research, and science. For me this is validation of a gut feeling I have had after following this debate for years. Yes, both sides can get nasty; but, I have long felt that those on the "anti-vax" side (many prefer to be called "pro-choice", but I will stick with anti-vax since that is what is used in the article) are more likely to present their arguments respectfully and often more persuasively. Here is what I hear from people who question vaccines: Do research. Then do more research. Make an informed choice. Be sure and feel confident before you vaccinate because you can never undo it once you make that choice. (Watch Dr. Suzanne Humphries here - she says almost these exact words towards the end. She is one of the most intelligent "quacks" I have come across yet!) From pro-vaccine people I hear: Vaccinate! Or else! Or your baby will die! Or you will be responsible for someone else's baby dying! Vaccines are 'safe and effective' - ALL of the experts agree. So if you don't do as they say because you think your "Dr. Google" degree is better than them, then you deserve to be shunned, shamed, jailed, and even die!" Leslie R. Martin, PhD., co-author of the study, makes sure to point out that the surprising outcome of the study doesn't mean that the anti-vax crowd is "right" though. The study was only analyzing the words commenters used, not the content and whether it is actually true. So anti-vaxxers are just calmer, more logical, and focused on science (but not necessarily "good science.") In addition, the study found that anti-vax commenters are more confident. This finding is explained away by the scientists with the Dunning Kruger effect in which "people overestimate their competence". I guess it's not possible that their confidence comes from years of research, experience, and evidence they've seen with their own eyes. I have a scientific term that might explain their confidence too, it's called Occam's Razor which basically says, "when you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better." Explicitly: When parents see their children's health affected after vaccination which makes more sense - vaccines had something to do with it or it is a coincidence and there is some other unknown, elusive factor that caused the problem? Later, under the heading "Influencing Public Opinion" Martin says: “Providing information by itself is probably fairly futile because it leaves out the emotional component–the fear, anxiety, and suspicion–which seems to be a huge driver,” Martin said. “It’s not just a cost-benefit analysis, devoid of emotion and pre-existing biases.” Wait, what?? I'm confused. We just got through going over how the anti-vax crowd is the logical group who are more concerned with health, science, and research. The pro-vaxxers are the fearful and emotional ones! Or wait, maybe the fear IS working. After all, the vast majority of our population DOES vaccinate. Perhaps providing only information is futile because the information is not strong enough to convince on it's own. Maybe, just maybe, fear and pro-vaccine arguments must go together to become a "huge driver" of vaccination.
The cognitive dissonance in this article is astounding. People questioning vaccines, selectively vaccinating, spacing vaccines out, or refusing them altogether are intelligent and educated. This fact is not new. Now we have a study confirming that the comments coming from that "side" are more on topic and less fearful (I would venture to say less hateful, but that was not a word used in this article!) Once again, instead of really seeing the results for what they are, the researchers and readers are performing mental gymnastics to make them fit into their comfortable paradigm. Or perhaps this study just isn't "good science" either. Hmmm. This should be short and sweet. I have started to share other people's thoughts, experiences, and stories on FB regarding vaccines. In particular I am sharing people who write about their lives after vaccine injury.
Basically it has gotten to the point where I just feel I CANNOT be silent anymore. It feels wrong. It feels like I am being a coward. If feels like I am leaving people out in the cold, all alone: Good people. Brave people. Suffering people. People like me and you. Fathers who had the same hopes for their children that all daddies do; dreams that are wrenched from their hands, outstretched towards a future that will never come to pass. Mothers who now dedicate their lives to children who will never grow up healthy and independent, and STILL somehow find time to share what they are going through... because they want to help others. I started really thinking about vaccines when Gerry was born. He is 7 years old now. I have read a LOT on the issue. I've bought books. I've read way too many comment threads that have left me feeling sick to my stomach. For many people this is not "enough". "Google university" will not ever compare to an MD; believe me I'm well aware of that fact. I don't claim to be an expert and I don't think I have the answer on this controversial issue. But I have been paying attention to the debate. Rarely a day goes by without me dedicating some time to thinking or reading about it. I've seen the legislation being passed in California and other states. I've followed the VAXXED documentary touring the country, and watched it (and others). This is an issue that is not going to just "go away." I don't expect to change anyone's mind on this topic. People who believe in vaccines feel very strongly and people who don't believe in them are just as set in their beliefs. But I do believe we need to add a whole lot of compassion to the discussion. I will NEVER understand how people who are for vaccines for everyone, no matter what the situation, can explain away the hundreds of thousands of people sharing their stories of vaccine injury. Do they think ALL of these people are lying? Or do they believe, maybe they aren't "lying" but just misguided - looking for a reason to explain whatever ails their loved one? Perhaps the most common rationalization is that these reactions are so "rare" that it shouldn't really be part of the conversation. Call me naive, but I do believe that the large majority of these stories are true. And there are so many of them with so many commonalities. No matter how many times people say "But, Science!" or "Correlation doesn't equal Causation" it doesn't sit right with me. There are too many people suffering. Too many babies dying or regressing within a short period after receiving vaccines. I don't believe in coincidences that happen over and over. Science needs to catch up with these real lives and real people, not just keep insisting that "anecdotes" are not scientific proof. We all want the best for our families, children, and loved ones. We all want to lead happy, healthy lives. We don't agree on what the best way to achieve that is. Please if you think that parents who question vaccines are stupid, irresponsible, deserve to be in jail, have their children taken away, or to die a terrible death - stop and reconsider. Think about the following:
I do not wish to debate about the worth of vaccines. I think the topic is very complicated - it is NOT black and white. If it were simple and so obviously beneficial to EVERYONE this "debate" would have died long ago. I only wish to be brave. To let people who are FAR BRAVER than I am know: I stand with you. I want people to learn to question their own thoughts (I question mine every day!) and to listen to others with love. I can hardly believe that these desires of mine are controversial, but they are. I am one of "those" people. I question vaccines. If you know me, I think you know what kind of person I am. I think you know that I am not stupid or ignorant. I hope you will still want to continue your relationship with me, whatever it may be - friend, family, loved one. I bet there are more of "me" in your life than you know. Because most of us make our choices and then go about our lives trying not to rock the boat. I've decided I can't be silent anymore and it is my fervent hope that it will not cause me to lose people in my life, but if I do I am prepared for that. Please consider your words because you never know who may believe differently than you and have a different experience than you. Love thy neighbor. It's that simple and that difficult. I want to change the world, instead I sleep. I had an "aha" moment today. And like most epiphanies it felt profound, even though at face value it was about as "Duh" with a capital "D" as you can get.
I realized - I can't do everything I want to. I know. Deep. It sounds a bit negative too, but ever since I had that thought I actually feel quite light. Free. Let me explain a bit more. I've known for a long time that I can't "have it all" and I've never really wanted or expected that. I knew that every choice had trade-offs. Choose to stay home with my kiddos - no high powered career path. Choose shrimp scampi - no steak and potatoes. Choose another baby - put some things on hold again - like learning guitar or becoming a doula. You get the idea. But still, we humans take a long time to learn some lessons. And many lessons we must learn over and over again. This year I had to reset my speedometer back to almost zero after Carter was born. And I did it quite easily and joyfully. But as the months have slipped by, expectations started creeping back into my brain. Last year when I was pregnant I was able to take really good care of myself. I did start learning to play guitar (well, I started that before I was pregnant, but continued right up until I was about 5-6 months along); I continued yoga; I took naps; I ate well. As I expected it is harder to take care of myself this year with a newborn. But I know that it is important to make time to do things that are good for me, so I'm working on it. (Move, make music, and WRITE are my top 3.) But of course I have chosen to home-school my 3 amazing kids - so that must take top priority most days. And while unschooling gives us a lot of freedom, it is still a full time commitment to be available to my kids and support them to the best of my abilities. Then there are the less important, but still necessary, tasks - you know, like laundry. And Marisol wants to be vegetarian now, so we need to kick things up a notch in the kitchen. Every few days I like to bathe; and, cutting my nails a couple times a month takes a few minutes. I wash diapers every other day and clean the kitchen most mornings. And why are the kids hungry so often? (Ok, so keeping us fed is kinda important, but also so... daily and mundane!) On a grander scale, I want to create a community that supports me and my family. And I want to help others. I want to re-imagine the world so that injustice and hate no longer have such prominent spots on the nightly news. I want to be a role model for my kids and show them how to help others and how they can help make the world a better place. These things are... noble, but, when I dwell on them too much and feel like I'm making little progress they can start to bring me down too. And I haven't even mentioned yet how every week I call and text and email our peeps, to make sure we see friends on a regular basis. Trying to find time in schedules packed too tight with soccer and gymnastics, drama class and piano is no simple task! And afternoon nap still is quite high on my priority list. I've grown to like being well rested. I want to do all these things - great and small - but I often struggle to even keep us all fed and even-tempered on a daily basis. And so, I finally realized: I can't do it all. It's not possible. Not in one day. Probably not in a week or a month. Over a lifetime... maybe. I've been feeling better on the days where I have a couple of small goals. For instance, one day I focus on laundry, the next on playing with friends, and the next on cooking. I've decided that the best time for me to write is a few minutes before bed. And I did some stretches and exercises with Marisol yesterday. Maybe you will feel some relief with this thought too: I can't do it all, but I can do something! I want to quickly hash out a couple of thoughts I have about an article I saw going around that calls "screen time" and technology use "Digital Heroin."
First of all, I didn't read the article. I didn't even click on it. I knew that there would be no new information that could help me on my parenting journey. I also didn't feel threatened or upset by it either - it was more of a "same ol' same ol'" moment that I quickly moved on from. It is nice to be at a point where I don't get upset by articles like these or question our choices every time I come across a fantastic piece of "clickbait". A friend posted a rebuttal that I did read and enjoy. I found it to be quite reasonable and to fit what I've learned about technology and its use in our family. (I know many of you may be thinking that I am falling into the confirmation bias and I'm sure I am. But once you've researched, read, and lived something for a while I think you need to not read everything that you come across. You come to a point where you need to be at peace with your decisions and look at your life as objectively as possible and assess if what you're doing works for your family.) I thought it might be helpful for someone, somewhere if I shared my thoughts and experiences. In no particular order, here are some thoughts that jump to my mind: 1) I get why parents are scared. But as many have pointed out, we are always scared of the "new thing". TV, Radios, even BOOKS were vilified when they became first popular. When Marisol was a baby I read a book and tried to limit her "screentime" (why do I keep putting it in quotes, you may wonder? Because "screentime" includes so many different mediums that it is not logical to lump them all together as "one thing" - read more here.) The book told me that screens were changing her brain. Well, that sounds scary! After years of reading and thinking and trying I now think - well, OF COURSE IT CHANGES THEIR BRAINS. But is this a bad thing? That is the question to ponder and look into. 2) On that note - this idea of being "addicted" is another very emotionally charged one. Our brains "look the same" when on heroin and using screens apparently. If you read the rebuttal I linked above, the truth is that the reward centers or our brain "light up" when doing all sorts of things - eating and having sex are two other activities that cause similar brain patterns. But being addicted comes about because of abuse and/or other deficits in our environment - mostly due to not having enough love and support. If our relationships with our children are strong and we are lovingly connected they are not likely to exhibit addictive behavior. Addictive behavior is trying to fill a void that is not found in humans surrounded with loving environments. I've noticed when I'm with people I have no problem putting my phone down because I want to connect with my loved ones. But it is always a choice. Mostly I choose to put it down and engage, but sometimes I sit in the same room with my husband or sister while we play on our phones - because sometimes that is how we want to relax! And that's fine. 3) My kids are at their "stations" (computer/TV/gaming system) a lot. More than most parents in our culture are comfortable with. And yet - they both stop and go do other things quite easily. This week is quite hot so we went to a spray park and dinner with friends one day and another friend's pool another day. They went willingly and happily. Marisol stops watching YouTube and playing SIMs to go play with her friends. Gerry stops watching videos of his own accord most nights and says "I'm ready" when it's time for us to go to sleep. They are not limited and therefore they can walk away knowing they will be able to come back to it where there aren't other things (like sleep or play!) to do. I'm not saying it's perfect. And yes we do have our phones and a portable gaming system to bring with us places. We do this to make our lives more enjoyable and to support Gerry's big love for gaming. But they certainly don't exhibit "psychotic" behavior! 4) Gerry has seemingly learned to read overnight. Ok, it wasn't overnight but it was quite a transformation over the past couple of months. He has not had one "lesson" and I have not made any effort to "teach" him. He has learned from his games and videos. I am surprised every day at the words he is reading. He tells me new things every day, like the difference between "No" and "Know." He asks me questions and I explain, like the sound that "ing" makes - and then we brainstorm a whole bunch of words that have that sound. It is fun and effortless and his new skill has almost entirely come from unrestricted "screen time". Of course now it has expanded outward and he reads EVERYTHING that he comes across - signs and my texts (a smaller screen) come to mind. :-) 5) Yes my kids are at their stations a lot. But most kids are in desks for a significant part of the day. I think of it as their "chosen desks". They are so dedicated that every morning they sit right down and "get to work." If only we were all so lucky to be so eager! They are also free to leave their stations to move, go to the bathroom, talk to me etc. And they do! Quite often. Marisol currently goes to the trampoline, her bar, and stretches almost as much as she sits at her desk. Gerry is more dedicated to his desk, but we got him a birth ball and he is rarely "sitting still." With any "study" we need to remember that almost all of the "subjects" are school children because most of our population is in school! How much more interesting and informative might it be to look at a population who is NOT in the school environment? That is a HUGE confounding variable that most people ignore because school is considered the "default". Of course there are many people, myself included, who do not believe school as it is now SHOULD BE the norm or "control" group. 6) Carter (6 months old) is already showing interest in the phones around him. Of course he is! He's wired to explore and learn. Mostly he wants to grab it and put it in his mouth. But also the light and images and sounds catch his attention. Am I absolutely thrilled by this? No. But it is an opportunity for me to change MY habits. To put down MY phone and pick up a book or a board book. To put music on (my phone - haha!) and sing to him or dance around. My kids follow my lead when I make other choices. And I'm not going to be too worried when he starts using my phone in appropriate ways either. Finally, I know that many parents might argue - well that is fine for YOUR kids - but I can see it is bad for MINE. I do not claim to know what is best for all other kids and families. But I do know that many might look at my kids and think they are "addicted" - I simply disagree. I encourage other parents to keep seeking out alternative ideas, experiences, and information if the mainstream fear-mongering doesn't seem quite right to you. Random Ramblings:
So I was reading an article about parenting (which actually was arguing against the use of that word - "Parenting") today. Some of the research cited talked about how when we directly "teach" our children we are actually limiting what they learn (which I think most of us would agree is not our goal!) For example, if we show them the "right" way to use an object (toy, tool etc.) then we often miss out on them exploring and being much more creative about how they will use said object. Makes total sense. Later this morning I took a shower with Carter. Lately I've been putting a little hand towel down on the bathtub floor and letting the tub fill a little bit with warm water while I shower. He can see me and smiles and kicks and splashes. I get clean and can easily wash him too. If the water starts to get to high I simply take out the plug. At the end of the shower I pick him up and put him in the warm spray of water. Sometimes I can tell it is almost too warm for him by the sharp intake of breath, but I watch him closely and put his hands and feed in first to gauge whether the temperature is ok for him. Carter's first bath was with me in the tub. That time I sat with him and supported him gently. He didn't cry and I think he enjoyed floating in the warm water. Since then he has taken many baths with me and his big brother which has proven to be enjoyable too, and sometimes very amusing for all of us when something that Gerry does makes Carter laugh. Many babies in our culture are bathed almost immediately. But we have actually learned that waiting to bathe newborns actually has many benefits for babies! When I was a first time mom I bought a "special baby tub" to bath Marisol in and that is mostly where I bathed her. As I showered with Carter yesterday it occurred to me that all of these "Parenting" books and experts are similar to us "teaching" our children. Because all of these "directions" exist, it makes us parents (especially new parents) think that there is a "right" way to do things. Oh and lets not forget all of the STUFF! Of course we "needed" the special baby tub and the special foam mat to put in the big tub. (oh wait... maybe my arms and a hand towel are enough!) Many new babies scream and cry through bath time - it is common to hear parents saying "my baby hates bath!" or "yay! _____ had their first bath without crying today!" I wonder if we did away with all of the instructions and allowed parents room to TRY things - experiment with what works and feels best - if more babies (and parents!) might enjoy bath time and (not) "parenting". ps I'll put a couple of links in the comments. #randomramblings #bringingrandomramblingsback #trustparents#trustbabies #lessteachingmoretrying Every day there are moments that I want to cling to. I want to freeze them in time and tuck them away in in a safe place where I can pull them up and relive them whenever I want to. Like Carter reaching his little hand into the shower stream yesterday - slowly, carefully - and staring at the water hit his hand, then looking at me as if to say, "Wow! What is this stuff? What am I feeling? What is happening?" Gerry turned 7 last weekend and Marisol is 10 now. The reality is that I will NOT remember most of these "Baby Carter Moments". I know because I hardly remember anything from when his big sister and brother were babies! Recognizing this Truth actually makes the bitter-sweetness easier to bear. Because I am with my big kids every day and I am able to enjoy the moments without longing for the past... for them to be babies... In fact, it seems silly when you put it that way! Of course, I don't want them to go backwards. This is how I know things are as they should be. But it doesn't stop me from taking a gazillion pictures though! After showering with Carter I wrapped him up in a towel and wanted to capture that moment. I mean I just look at him and my heart almost bursts! I want to cuddle him and eat him up all at once. It is the fiercest, mama-love feeling and it is almost overwhelming. Music is helping me so much to let the feelings out. The song "Maybe" came on my Pandora Channel. Maybe |
Susan MayWife, mom, information and peace seeker. Categories
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November 2023
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