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Random Ramblings:
So I was reading an article about parenting (which actually was arguing against the use of that word - "Parenting") today. Some of the research cited talked about how when we directly "teach" our children we are actually limiting what they learn (which I think most of us would agree is not our goal!) For example, if we show them the "right" way to use an object (toy, tool etc.) then we often miss out on them exploring and being much more creative about how they will use said object. Makes total sense. Later this morning I took a shower with Carter. Lately I've been putting a little hand towel down on the bathtub floor and letting the tub fill a little bit with warm water while I shower. He can see me and smiles and kicks and splashes. I get clean and can easily wash him too. If the water starts to get to high I simply take out the plug. At the end of the shower I pick him up and put him in the warm spray of water. Sometimes I can tell it is almost too warm for him by the sharp intake of breath, but I watch him closely and put his hands and feed in first to gauge whether the temperature is ok for him. Carter's first bath was with me in the tub. That time I sat with him and supported him gently. He didn't cry and I think he enjoyed floating in the warm water. Since then he has taken many baths with me and his big brother which has proven to be enjoyable too, and sometimes very amusing for all of us when something that Gerry does makes Carter laugh. Many babies in our culture are bathed almost immediately. But we have actually learned that waiting to bathe newborns actually has many benefits for babies! When I was a first time mom I bought a "special baby tub" to bath Marisol in and that is mostly where I bathed her. As I showered with Carter yesterday it occurred to me that all of these "Parenting" books and experts are similar to us "teaching" our children. Because all of these "directions" exist, it makes us parents (especially new parents) think that there is a "right" way to do things. Oh and lets not forget all of the STUFF! Of course we "needed" the special baby tub and the special foam mat to put in the big tub. (oh wait... maybe my arms and a hand towel are enough!) Many new babies scream and cry through bath time - it is common to hear parents saying "my baby hates bath!" or "yay! _____ had their first bath without crying today!" I wonder if we did away with all of the instructions and allowed parents room to TRY things - experiment with what works and feels best - if more babies (and parents!) might enjoy bath time and (not) "parenting". ps I'll put a couple of links in the comments. #randomramblings #bringingrandomramblingsback #trustparents#trustbabies #lessteachingmoretrying
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**WARNING** What started out as a post about Elimination Communication and Gerry's journey towards potty independence turned into a slew of incredibly cute pictures of him. You've been warned. Also, if you are interested in the book give-away for this week make sure you scroll down to the bottom past all the cuteness and leave a comment! Ok, so now that *that's* out of the way. Elimination communication. (From now on referred to as EC.) What is it? Well, there are different definitions and names - but basically it is meeting your baby's elimination needs without diapers. Now, before you stop reading, you should know that you can practice EC part-time. Also I used cloth diapers (with and without covers) and disposable diapers. We also used Gerber training pants starting about the time Gerry was 1 year old. I'm not going to get too deeply into the "how's" of EC (I'm giving away the book Diaper Free! for those of you interested in details, and if you don't win I highly recommend it!) But I do want to share with you our journey, the realities and challenges, the fun, some tips, and of course the cuteness. I started putting Gerry on the potty or holding him over a bathroom sink when he was a couple of weeks old. (I know the sink thing may sound "gross" to some of you unfamiliar with EC - well, let me just say it's no grosser than a poopie diaper - and easier to clean.) I actually won our little potty and the book that I'm giving away from another blogger in a give-away - I'm paying it forward this week! (Holy cow, I just looked back, and a LOT of people commented on that post - I'm feeling even more excited now {3 years later} that I won!) Looking back, I'd say that winning the give-away was a huge catalyst for me - I was interested in EC before Gerry was born, but in the tired haze that comes with a newborn, I wasn't sure I had the energy or desire to try something so new. But once I won, I was energized and ready to try! The awesome thing about trying to "catch" your babies pees and poops is that it is fun. Yep, you heard me right, it's fun! So once you catch a couple you are kind of hooked and want to keep trying. Another awesome thing is that you don't have to do EC 100% of the time - and we certainly didn't! I would definitely classify us as "part-time" ECers. We used cloth diapers, the potty, and actually I used more disposables with Gerry than I did with Marisol (I felt guilty about it, but it's the truth). It can be difficult imagining how to begin on this adventure. One suggestion is when you have some time at home to put baby on a waterproof pad covered with a blanket, either naked or with a light blanket covering them. Then you simply wait and keep track of how often they pee or if they give any signals before they go. This can give you a sense of how often they go and what patterns there may be. And of course you can try putting them on the potty if you suspect it's time! Usually when moms hold their babies on a potty or over a sink they make a noise like, "ssss" or grunting/bearing down sounds. Sometimes they just say whatever word they choose for eliminating. This is a VERY simplified version of the process - to be honest I can hardly remember now the beginning stages! What I can remember is how gratifying it is to have your baby eliminate *outside* of a diaper (and of course into a desired receptacle!) I pretty much continued to be surprised every time it happened! I invite you now to a photo "tour" of Gerry's journey towards potty independence. (You can dim the lights and put on your favorite potty music at this time if you so desire. Then proceed to scroll down the page {sorry, it's not automated, but the good news is that you can go at your own personalized pace, even stopping if you wish, to read the witty and poignant captions} ):  Love this picture! Love the chaos and seeing our tiny living space. And of course cute little baby Gerry! Also note the legwarmers - a great thing for babies using potties.  Gerry sitting on the potty at about 5 months.  We still used cloth diapers with covers a lot. We also used cloth diapers without covers so I would know almost immediately when he was wet and change him. I used covers more when Mike was home - he wasn't as comfortable with "misses" - aka pee pee wherever Gerry happened to be.  A little before Gerry's first birthday we started using Gerber training pants. They are not that absorbent, so we often used two pairs.  1 year old, near the cornfield behind Grandma and Grandpa's house  mmm... chocolate.  Naked time is always fun and helpful for learning too!  Sitting in a tub of corn.  Getting so big! 18 months old and in bigger training pants now.  Great for outside play too!  As a swimsuit...  Outside in my undies, eating a chocolate chip cookie in a fairy fort with my big sis - life doesn't get much better than this!  This picture was taken the morning of Gerry's 2nd Birthday. He was going quite often on the potty but as you can see we still used disposables at night.  I love this picture. That is all.  Getting to be an old pro at this potty thing!  Walking with Grandpa to the pool in my undies.  Christmastime and still using diapers sometimes.  Happy New Year! The first outfit Gerry wore consistently coming out of his 2-year-old-naked-phase (yes, there is an actual, clinically proven naked stage, I kid you not) It's the middle of winter, but shorts are better than nothing!  We went to NYC in January on a train. I remember he refused a diaper on the train and made it the whole way without an accident (even went on the train potty!) Here we are at a UR basketball game vs NYU - you can see the disposable sticking out a bit. It was probably one of his last...  This picture was taken the weekend Gerry was exactly 2 1/2 (January 23). I remember very distinctly because Nonna Gigi was visiting and we went to the mall - his first outing completely diaper free! We never looked back...  Still naked... (photo taken by big sis)  Visiting at a friend's in Florida in March. I remember because he had an accident... on the carpet next to the train table - oops! The train table was just too fun to stop playing! It was one of few though, he hasn't had very many.  Because it's too cute not to include...  Love our little potty! We still use it today.  April and still wearing the same outfit!  Oh. My. Goodness. I love this boy. (That's Marisol's baby helmet - flowers - covered with Thomas stickers - by the way)  We biked over to watch trains at the train station.  One of the last times we used a diaper at nighttime - we bought this diaper and he didn't wet it once! By his third birthday he was consistently dry through the night. So as you can see we used diapers a lot. But there were lots of times when we were home that he was naked, or in a cloth diaper without a cover, or later in his training pants. He never stayed wet long so he didn't get used to the feeling. Also I'm not going to lie, there were LOTS of misses. Some baby/carer couples get really good at knowing each others signals and rarely have misses, others are like me and deal with more. One thing that didn't bother me too much when he was a small baby, pre-mobility, is wet or dirty blankets - since I was used to washing diapers I just threw them in with the diapers. What's most important is your attitude. It's easy to get obsessed with the potty - especially once you've had some "success". But the best way to be is relaxed about it. If you're tired or overwhelmed, give yourself a break. You may want to wait on the nice carpets and cover as many surfaces as you can. Also don't worry about what other people think. I know I sometimes felt pressure for Gerry to "perform" since I was trying something so unconventional. But to be honest I always got positive reactions from people about his potty use. Of all the unconventional things I've tried, this seemed to be one that was easy for people to consider. I also usually just said, "I put him on the potty" instead of using the words Elimination Communication. I also never considered what we did "potty training". You may be wondering, why bother if the baby's just "going" wherever they need to all the time? Well, there are a LOT of benefits to using EC, even if only part-time. First of all any time baby goes on the potty, you are using one less diaper - better for your wallet AND the environment, no matter how you look at it! I also loved that Gerry never once had a diaper rash. His little bottom was clear and smooth his whole life! Marisol definitely had a couple of sore spots when she was a baby that were difficult to get rid of once they were irritated. The biggest benefit to me was how natural the whole process was for Gerry. Sitting on the potty is something he has done his whole life! There was no fear or resistance to it. I never forced him to sit or stay if he didn't want to. I don't know when he would have potty trained if we had just used diapers and tried to train him later in a more conventional way - but it does seem like "for a boy" he was using the potty quite early (this is the impression I get from many friends and experienced mothers I know). It was a slow, gradual journey and now that it's over, I hardly even remember it! It's good that I'm recording it now, because in a few years I'm likely to remember even less. Again, this is not "quicker" or "easier" and I know that for many families it may not fit into their daily lives. But for families that have a primary caregiver with the kids the majority of the time, who are looking for different, more natural options to diapers, EC (or Natural Infant Hygiene) may work for them. The first winter that I was home with both kids, Marisol basically went into a hibernation mode and I was home with them for long stretches of time. I figured since I was home I may as well put my time to good use! I'm really excited to pass this book onto someone who is interested in learning more about EC. In fact, I love this book so much, I'm kind of sad to see it go (I love her core parenting philosophy, very in line with much that I hold dear). But I'm working on letting things go (especially material things) - I don't need it at this stage in my life and I look forward to someone else benefiting from it. So please, leave a comment below to enter your name in the drawing! And remember, if you share and like my page you will get your name in multiple times!   Marisol - about 24 hours old Sometimes I have the weirdest thoughts go through my head (ok, lots of times!) Often the analogies that pop into my head have to do with birth - I'm cool that way. So yesterday I was unpacking the van while Mike watched Nascar and did puzzles with Gerry, and Marisol watched Cyberchase on the computer. I was so proud of myself for getting so much done even though I am sick and we had just had a long day of packing up that morning and driving home (about 5 hours). But it was actually the perfect thing for me to do after sitting in the car for so long. I got to stretch and move my legs AND I got some quiet "alone" time (we mamas take that however and whenever we can!) So I'm walking back and forth to the car and thinking how this was just the perfect "window" of time for me to get some things done - the kids just wanted to veg out. And I was like this is just like the window of time right after a baby is born and they're awake in a quiet alert state for a few hours before sleeping (is anyone having a hard time with this analogy? Come on - stretch yourself! Like I said, this is just a stream of consciousness moment from me to you. I didn't say that it made total sense!) Of course then I had to think of exceptions. Like I'm sure there are times when we get home from a long road trip and the kids are tired and whiny and cranky and just want to cling to me and I don't get anything unpacked, or laundry done or food put away. Just like I'm sure there are newborns who go to sleep pretty quickly after birth. Because life really isn't all that predictable is it? But when we have a perfect "window" for something to occur, it feels so good to take advantage of it! So keep your eyes and heart open and let life keep flowing through and around you. Peace! Susan (I need to create one of those cool signatures for my blog - anyone know how to do that?) ps These pictures of my alert babies are not just after birth, but they are two of my favorites from when they were just hours and days old. If I ever do this baby thing again I'm going to get more pictures of them when they are fresh out of the womb!  Gerry - About 1 week old |
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