Every day there are moments that I want to cling to. I want to freeze them in time and tuck them away in in a safe place where I can pull them up and relive them whenever I want to. Like Carter reaching his little hand into the shower stream yesterday - slowly, carefully - and staring at the water hit his hand, then looking at me as if to say, "Wow! What is this stuff? What am I feeling? What is happening?"
Gerry turned 7 last weekend and Marisol is 10 now. The reality is that I will NOT remember most of these "Baby Carter Moments". I know because I hardly remember anything from when his big sister and brother were babies! Recognizing this Truth actually makes the bitter-sweetness easier to bear. Because I am with my big kids every day and I am able to enjoy the moments without longing for the past... for them to be babies... In fact, it seems silly when you put it that way! Of course, I don't want them to go backwards.
This is how I know things are as they should be.
But it doesn't stop me from taking a gazillion pictures though!
After showering with Carter I wrapped him up in a towel and wanted to capture that moment. I mean I just look at him and my heart almost bursts! I want to cuddle him and eat him up all at once. It is the fiercest, mama-love feeling and it is almost overwhelming. Music is helping me so much to let the feelings out. The song "Maybe" came on my Pandora Channel.
Wife, mom, information and peace seeker.