 Besides my first giveaway, all the give aways celebrating my Blogiversary have been personal copies of books I love. Also, if you've been paying attention closely you may have noticed that the books have followed my path as a parent from Natural Family Planning and Breastfeeding, and Natural Child Birth, to Elimination Communication. This weeks giveaway ties all of these things together neatly in a pretty bow. This week I'm giving away Mayim Bialik's book, Beyond the Sling: A real-life guide to raising confident, loving children the attachment parenting way. I bought this book mostly because I love Mayim Bialik. Honestly, I didn't "need" it. By the time I read it I had two natural births, been breastfeeding for over 5 1/2 years, using baby carriers with ease, sleeping with my kids for 5+ years, and had two kids out of diapers - one of which I had used the principles elimination communication part-time to achieve potty independence. Yeah, I guess I'm kind of a poster mommy for attachment parenting. But what intrigues me about Mayim Bialik (besides that I loved the show Blossom) is all that I have in common with her. We are approximately the same age, went to school in the same period of time, I was a Brain and Cognitive Science major with a concentration in neuroscience, she has her PhD in Neuroscience, we got married and had two kids (very similarly spaced) in almost the same exact span of time - it's kind of uncanny! (And yes I want to be her friend in real life. Someday.) Of course there are differences, the biggest being her family is Jewish and mine Catholic, and of course that little actress thing she does on the side. ha. So last winter when I heard that she had a book coming out about attachment parenting I was interested to read it for fun. I also had just really started to get into writing, and the thought of writing my own book seriously crossed my mind for the first time. Then I saw the Table of Contents for Beyond the Sling.   Ugh. Seriously? This is TOO GOOD. Too simple and direct and so well organized. I LOVED IT already and I hadn't even gotten past the contents! But now what was *my* book going to be about?? Not to mention that it didn't seem quite fair since, you know, she's FAMOUS already.
Oh well, C'est la vie. I trust that when the time comes and I am ready, my own voice and message will come out in it's own unique way. Plus, *somehow*, *someway*, I'm going to get Mayim to write a forward for my book. That will even things out! Here are a couple of my favorite quotes and passages from early in the book: What I had discovered, and what I seek to share with you, dear reader, is this: you already know the majority of what you need to know to be an incredible parent (emphasis hers). It was only when I believed this and began to apply it consistently to my growing family that my anxiety, worry, and exhaustion began to lift. It was then that I truly began to enjoy being a parent and to see myself as a successful parent; not a perfect parent, and not always the most patient parent, but a sensitive, loving, and confident person who truly loves this life I have chosen. That's really what this book is about: empowering you to make the best choices for your kids. (p 5) My kids are flawed and they make plenty of mistakes, as do I. My kids are not always polite, patient, clean, wise, and quiet; nor am I, for that matter. (p 12) I love how Mayim presents attachment parenting. She is kind about it. She does not claim to know the right way for every parent, she is only sharing what works for her family. The two examples above show how she debunks any thought of "perfection" from the first pages of the book. It's not about being perfect it's about listening to your instincts and your children. Mayim puts all kinds of myths to rest about attachment parenting to rest (ie You have to be a "martyr" to do all that stuff! Only wealthy or advantaged people can afford to parent this way. Children will be spoiled, overindulged, whiny, etc. if parented this way. etc.) Not only does she address all of these concerns, but she does so with compassion, conviction, and humor. She acknowledges that everyone in the family has needs and that there are ways to meet these needs, it just may not be the way you used to before you had children or how you imagined it would look. And the really cool part is that she puts her PhD to good use and explains the SCIENCE behind attachment and why it just makes sense to parent this way. I've barely had this book in my possession 8 months - I even mentioned it here the day I received it in the mail! Mayim's book debuted a little before the controversy stirred up by the TIME cover showing a mom breastfeeding her 3 or 4 year old son standing up (not to mention the inflammatory title, "Are you mom enough?) In a way it was good publicity for her and she handled all of the extra attention extremely well. I myself wrote about being a "Closet Lactivist" and then why I think attachment parenting is the best way to parent during this time. It's been an eventful span of time for me personally as I know it has been for her. But I'm ready to let this gem of a book go and inspire a new mom (or dad!) so that another family can benefit from all her wisdom. Leave a comment - you may win a great book! (I will also put your name in additional times if you like my Facebook page, share a link on your FB page, or share my blog giveaway on your blog - just be sure to let me know in your comment!) ps This is my used copy of the book and there are a few pages in the beginning warped by some water damage - in my pre-baby days I would have said it was from reading in the bathtub. Not likely to be the case anymore - no this time it is probably from one of many water spills that occur in our house daily! Don't worry it's still legible.
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**WARNING** What started out as a post about Elimination Communication and Gerry's journey towards potty independence turned into a slew of incredibly cute pictures of him. You've been warned. Also, if you are interested in the book give-away for this week make sure you scroll down to the bottom past all the cuteness and leave a comment! Ok, so now that *that's* out of the way. Elimination communication. (From now on referred to as EC.) What is it? Well, there are different definitions and names - but basically it is meeting your baby's elimination needs without diapers. Now, before you stop reading, you should know that you can practice EC part-time. Also I used cloth diapers (with and without covers) and disposable diapers. We also used Gerber training pants starting about the time Gerry was 1 year old. I'm not going to get too deeply into the "how's" of EC (I'm giving away the book Diaper Free! for those of you interested in details, and if you don't win I highly recommend it!) But I do want to share with you our journey, the realities and challenges, the fun, some tips, and of course the cuteness. I started putting Gerry on the potty or holding him over a bathroom sink when he was a couple of weeks old. (I know the sink thing may sound "gross" to some of you unfamiliar with EC - well, let me just say it's no grosser than a poopie diaper - and easier to clean.) I actually won our little potty and the book that I'm giving away from another blogger in a give-away - I'm paying it forward this week! (Holy cow, I just looked back, and a LOT of people commented on that post - I'm feeling even more excited now {3 years later} that I won!) Looking back, I'd say that winning the give-away was a huge catalyst for me - I was interested in EC before Gerry was born, but in the tired haze that comes with a newborn, I wasn't sure I had the energy or desire to try something so new. But once I won, I was energized and ready to try! The awesome thing about trying to "catch" your babies pees and poops is that it is fun. Yep, you heard me right, it's fun! So once you catch a couple you are kind of hooked and want to keep trying. Another awesome thing is that you don't have to do EC 100% of the time - and we certainly didn't! I would definitely classify us as "part-time" ECers. We used cloth diapers, the potty, and actually I used more disposables with Gerry than I did with Marisol (I felt guilty about it, but it's the truth). It can be difficult imagining how to begin on this adventure. One suggestion is when you have some time at home to put baby on a waterproof pad covered with a blanket, either naked or with a light blanket covering them. Then you simply wait and keep track of how often they pee or if they give any signals before they go. This can give you a sense of how often they go and what patterns there may be. And of course you can try putting them on the potty if you suspect it's time! Usually when moms hold their babies on a potty or over a sink they make a noise like, "ssss" or grunting/bearing down sounds. Sometimes they just say whatever word they choose for eliminating. This is a VERY simplified version of the process - to be honest I can hardly remember now the beginning stages! What I can remember is how gratifying it is to have your baby eliminate *outside* of a diaper (and of course into a desired receptacle!) I pretty much continued to be surprised every time it happened! I invite you now to a photo "tour" of Gerry's journey towards potty independence. (You can dim the lights and put on your favorite potty music at this time if you so desire. Then proceed to scroll down the page {sorry, it's not automated, but the good news is that you can go at your own personalized pace, even stopping if you wish, to read the witty and poignant captions} ):  Love this picture! Love the chaos and seeing our tiny living space. And of course cute little baby Gerry! Also note the legwarmers - a great thing for babies using potties.  Gerry sitting on the potty at about 5 months.  We still used cloth diapers with covers a lot. We also used cloth diapers without covers so I would know almost immediately when he was wet and change him. I used covers more when Mike was home - he wasn't as comfortable with "misses" - aka pee pee wherever Gerry happened to be.  A little before Gerry's first birthday we started using Gerber training pants. They are not that absorbent, so we often used two pairs.  1 year old, near the cornfield behind Grandma and Grandpa's house  mmm... chocolate.  Naked time is always fun and helpful for learning too!  Sitting in a tub of corn.  Getting so big! 18 months old and in bigger training pants now.  Great for outside play too!  As a swimsuit...  Outside in my undies, eating a chocolate chip cookie in a fairy fort with my big sis - life doesn't get much better than this!  This picture was taken the morning of Gerry's 2nd Birthday. He was going quite often on the potty but as you can see we still used disposables at night.  I love this picture. That is all.  Getting to be an old pro at this potty thing!  Walking with Grandpa to the pool in my undies.  Christmastime and still using diapers sometimes.  Happy New Year! The first outfit Gerry wore consistently coming out of his 2-year-old-naked-phase (yes, there is an actual, clinically proven naked stage, I kid you not) It's the middle of winter, but shorts are better than nothing!  We went to NYC in January on a train. I remember he refused a diaper on the train and made it the whole way without an accident (even went on the train potty!) Here we are at a UR basketball game vs NYU - you can see the disposable sticking out a bit. It was probably one of his last...  This picture was taken the weekend Gerry was exactly 2 1/2 (January 23). I remember very distinctly because Nonna Gigi was visiting and we went to the mall - his first outing completely diaper free! We never looked back...  Still naked... (photo taken by big sis)  Visiting at a friend's in Florida in March. I remember because he had an accident... on the carpet next to the train table - oops! The train table was just too fun to stop playing! It was one of few though, he hasn't had very many.  Because it's too cute not to include...  Love our little potty! We still use it today.  April and still wearing the same outfit!  Oh. My. Goodness. I love this boy. (That's Marisol's baby helmet - flowers - covered with Thomas stickers - by the way)  We biked over to watch trains at the train station.  One of the last times we used a diaper at nighttime - we bought this diaper and he didn't wet it once! By his third birthday he was consistently dry through the night. So as you can see we used diapers a lot. But there were lots of times when we were home that he was naked, or in a cloth diaper without a cover, or later in his training pants. He never stayed wet long so he didn't get used to the feeling. Also I'm not going to lie, there were LOTS of misses. Some baby/carer couples get really good at knowing each others signals and rarely have misses, others are like me and deal with more. One thing that didn't bother me too much when he was a small baby, pre-mobility, is wet or dirty blankets - since I was used to washing diapers I just threw them in with the diapers. What's most important is your attitude. It's easy to get obsessed with the potty - especially once you've had some "success". But the best way to be is relaxed about it. If you're tired or overwhelmed, give yourself a break. You may want to wait on the nice carpets and cover as many surfaces as you can. Also don't worry about what other people think. I know I sometimes felt pressure for Gerry to "perform" since I was trying something so unconventional. But to be honest I always got positive reactions from people about his potty use. Of all the unconventional things I've tried, this seemed to be one that was easy for people to consider. I also usually just said, "I put him on the potty" instead of using the words Elimination Communication. I also never considered what we did "potty training". You may be wondering, why bother if the baby's just "going" wherever they need to all the time? Well, there are a LOT of benefits to using EC, even if only part-time. First of all any time baby goes on the potty, you are using one less diaper - better for your wallet AND the environment, no matter how you look at it! I also loved that Gerry never once had a diaper rash. His little bottom was clear and smooth his whole life! Marisol definitely had a couple of sore spots when she was a baby that were difficult to get rid of once they were irritated. The biggest benefit to me was how natural the whole process was for Gerry. Sitting on the potty is something he has done his whole life! There was no fear or resistance to it. I never forced him to sit or stay if he didn't want to. I don't know when he would have potty trained if we had just used diapers and tried to train him later in a more conventional way - but it does seem like "for a boy" he was using the potty quite early (this is the impression I get from many friends and experienced mothers I know). It was a slow, gradual journey and now that it's over, I hardly even remember it! It's good that I'm recording it now, because in a few years I'm likely to remember even less. Again, this is not "quicker" or "easier" and I know that for many families it may not fit into their daily lives. But for families that have a primary caregiver with the kids the majority of the time, who are looking for different, more natural options to diapers, EC (or Natural Infant Hygiene) may work for them. The first winter that I was home with both kids, Marisol basically went into a hibernation mode and I was home with them for long stretches of time. I figured since I was home I may as well put my time to good use! I'm really excited to pass this book onto someone who is interested in learning more about EC. In fact, I love this book so much, I'm kind of sad to see it go (I love her core parenting philosophy, very in line with much that I hold dear). But I'm working on letting things go (especially material things) - I don't need it at this stage in my life and I look forward to someone else benefiting from it. So please, leave a comment below to enter your name in the drawing! And remember, if you share and like my page you will get your name in multiple times!  1) *I* like to share and *you* like to be (choose any of the following): inspired, entertained, challenged, interested, and engaged.  When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world. Unknown Monk All of the above are things I've posted on my new Together Walking Facebook page. And let's not forget links to interesting articles like this one about The Island Where People Forget to Die or 12 Unconventional Habits of Highly Productive People. I'm also posting some of my own thoughts like these: Did you know? You can do a lot for yourself AND others in a day. Today I meditated, got outside and walked, drank tea, and had a bubble bath... all in the company of my wonderful kids :-) and Random Ramblings: Today there's no "I can't wait for..." Today I fully appreciate that everything I need is right here, right now, in this very moment. 2) It would make me so happy! I found out that yesterday was World Kindness Day - maybe you didn't know either? If you're upset that you missed out on it, you can make up for it by heading over right now to my Together Walking Faceook page and clicking "Like". Now you've done a kind thing for someone else (me me me!) And doing kind things for others is actually good for you! Win, win! It may not be on this list of 237 Kindness Ideas - but I promise you it will make someone happy (me me me!)  Here's my first attempt at my own inspirational picture... and when inspiration hits me there may be more! I've found that I actually *do* feel freer to "be myself" and post many more things that resonate with me - even more than I have on my personal page in the past. I've also found that I am posting less to my personal page, so if you have found any of the articles, quotes, or pictures that I've posted interesting or inspiring in the past, I think you will enjoy what I'm posting at my new page.
I know some people have negative feelings about Facebook, but I have to say that I love it! I view it as a tool - and yes tools can be misused or even abused - but tools can also be used in powerful, positive ways. I've found so many people and pages that inspire me every day - and I really love the idea of doing that for others! Even if it's not for any of these reasons - maybe you're just nosy and want to see what nonsense Susan is going to post next - I don't mind, really! I imagine some people may wonder, why is she pushing this? Is she trying to sell me something? Is this a trick of some kind? And to be honest, I still wonder why I'm so into this blog thing myself. The best answers I can come up with is that it is helping me become more completely myself and to live my best life, that I love to share because it inspires me, and I love hearing that I inspired someone else, that I love to think about life and how to live it in a meaningful way and writing helps me do that. As for selling anything - for the time being, nope, nothing to sell here. Just me and my wild ideas. But I want to spread love and peace, compassion and kindness everywhere. (And someday I may actually get around to writing a book, and then yes, I would love to have people buy it!) So I think I've been completely honest with you... no tricks, promise. I learned earlier this year that begging sometimes works. Sometimes the best way to get what you want is to ask. See you over here soon!  Ina May Gaskin talking to Nancy Salgueiro. Do you see the heavenly glow around these two earthly angels? There is an event this weekend in the DC area called, "Heads Up! Breech Conference". Although it didn't work out for me to attend the whole thing, it came to my attention that there was a panel tonight open to the public - and it included Ina May Gaskin! Well, since my mom flew in this afternoon I figured this was a great opportunity for me to take advantage of! So off I drove in heavy traffic, through the heart of DC, north to Maryland. The drive took just about an hour and included several horns honks (possibly one - or two - directed towards me!), one slamming of the breaks, deep, calming breaths, good music and loud singing. I arrived with 10 minutes to spare - only to wait half an hour for the event to start. I didn't mind though, the energy of the room was life affirming - chatting women and quite a few cute babies. It was definitely worth the drive and the $15. In addition to Ina May, Ibu Robin Lim, Betty-Ann Daviss, and Jane Evans all spoke about their experiences with breech births. They were funny, touching, and of course oh-so-wise. I laughed a lot and cried real tears when Ibu Robin Lim read one of her own poems about losing a baby. Dr. Nancy Salgueiro was the facilitator - the same woman who gave birth live just over a year ago - streaming on the internet! I stayed up late watching her in her birthing time this time last year then when I woke up the next day watched the video - amazing.  I'm still not certain what role birth is going to take in my future. I love teaching Hypnobabies and I know that being a doula is something that might work really well for our family too. These midwives are so inspiring to me because they are living out their ideals, even the face of massive resistance, ignorance, and even hostility. Regardless of my future path, I know that their messages are crucial to moms and babies everywhere - and by extension, the whole-wide world. I felt a powerful synchronicity today, as I finish up my last Hypnobabies series of the year tomorrow, and just published Gerry's birth story this week.
Magic. Birth. Life. Babies. Miracles. ps don't forget to comment on my post here if you'd like to win a book FULL of inspirational birth stories! For those of you wondering, "who's that?!" Gerard Walker is Gerry's full name. As I did with Marisol's birth story last spring, I'm using my journal to write his birth story now - over 3 years after he was born! I'm sure glad I took the time after his birth to write some things down. I've also added a couple of "Hypnobabies notes" to give you my perspective now as an instructor. Make sure you scroll ALL the way down to the end of this post, past all the cute pictures, to see what this week's give-away book is! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here is some "stream of consciousness" about Gerry's birth - things I want to remember - in no particular order: Thunder + lightning - here at home - more storms there (birth center) - a rainbow over the birth center (I didn't see it, but my parents got it on camera) - made me think that Gerry's birth was like the storm, and he was my rainbow at the end :)  The cable guy coming to our apartment that morning! I spent that hour or so in the shower while he did his thing... I remember Marisol poking her cute little 3 year old head into the room to reassure me, "he's almost done mama!" Holly's (my doula) bike having a flat tire - she was still here within an hour and a half... Also I only knew Holly for less then 1 week before giving birth! My water breaking in the tub - crazy feeling! Like something shooting out of me! And then it got CRAZY... I think he came out within 15 minutes or so after that. It was so intense. Marisol in the room with Mike while I pushed Gerry out! Pushing him out on all fours - Gerry being passed to me through my legs and me getting to see him and proclaim, "It's a boy!"  Marisol and I hanging out during my Birthing time, the morning of Gerry's birth More random thoughts: "TIMING IS EVERYTHING" I said this in the car on the way to the birth center... in between intense waves - in reference to Marisol sleeping - she had a solid 2 hour nap in the car - First Mike and she went to get my parents a parking pass, while Hollly was with me at home and she fell asleep. (Hypnobabies note: One of my anxieties/fears during the pregnancy was how Marisol would be taken care of during my birthing time. Two things were very helpful - the Visualization script - I imagined the time of day my birthing would start, how long it would last, who would be there, the help of my doula, and my parents arriving - it all happened almost exactly as I visualized! The second is the Fear Clearing track - it is an amazing way to let go of any worries and embrace whatever your birthing time brings.) While they were gone Holly and I talked - I listened to the Hypnobabies a little - walked the hall with my phone tucked into my gym shorts waist band (My hypnosis tracks were on my phone)... I also lay on my side while Holly pushed/massaged my back. She did my upper legs a little too while I sat on the birth ball. I didn't use the birth ball nearly as much this time - I actually did lie down on my side a lot this time. Maybe because it was faster, maybe because of all my practice relaxing with Hypnobabies while I went to sleep. While Holly and I worked together... this was when there was a storm... Holly mentioned that it made her think of good luck and I said I liked it too... Holly thought we should call the midwives again to check in. I talked to Ebony... she said, "sounds like those contractions are kickin' your butt" or something like that (Hypnobabies Note: This is the kind of thing that we hope care providers avoid saying to mamas! The more your careprovider knows about hypnosis, expectations, the power of our minds etc. the better! Inform them so they know suggesting what a mother is experiencing is very powerful - so make sure to make those suggestions POSITIVE! But for the record, I LOVED Ebony and the other midwives, just noting this probably wasn't the best thing for me to hear at that moment!) I replied something to the extent that, "nah, I'm tough..." I still wasn't sure if we should go in yet - it didn't seem like the waves were getting longer - they had been ~ 3 minutes apart for a while - but I still felt like I was "doing ok" through them. This was key - Ebony asked if I felt any rectal pressure and I said no. She said if I was still working through them ok we could/should stay home a little longer/as long as possible. I'm not sure how much longer it was, but it didn't seem like much longer... I told Holly I thought we should get the car packed up. I asked if they were closer or longer - and she didn't think so. I told her they felt different and she said I seemed more focused and they "sounded" different (I was feeling rectal pressure! I just decided not to tell Holly or Mike right then. I trusted my instincts, and as you will see it's a good thing we left when we did!) I called Mike and he brought the car to the neighbor's driveway... He and Holly packed up and kept snoozin' Marisol company. Mike put Holly's bike on the car and we gathered some last minute things - we were prepared in every way except food, but grabbed some small snacks and O.J. that got us through until my parents arrived. I knelt in the back next to Marisol - she stirred so I thought we should put a movie in. Mike wisely said she didn't need one. She proceeded to sleep the whole way to the birth center while I moaned through many waves next to her - not quietly I might add! Holly continued to massage my back as best as she could from the front seat - she was awesome (it was a packed car - we had a Prius then!) I remember when we were almost there - on H st. - peeking out the window from my kneeling position. It was an interesting perspective - the world at an angle, the sidewalk and storefronts at eye-level and seeing lots of lights in the gray day. The images have stayed with me very clearly as part of my birthing time memories. I shuffled into the birth center with the help of Holly, I think Mike carried Marisol. You could tell that people were happy and excited to see us... Ebony and Kandace took me to an exam room. Kandace was finishing her midwifery training and she did everything pretty much - she was great - calm and reassuring. She checked me and said she thought I was 7 cm, fully effaced (100%) and the baby was at zero station. I said something like "Thank the Lordy!" I was so happy. I also mentioned that it doesn't necessarily "mean anything" because I was 7 cm when I arrived at the hospital with Marisol and still had hours before she came. Ebony said she didn't think so this time and I agreed. (Hypnobabies note: My two births demonstrate very well that WE DON'T GIVE BIRTH BY NUMBERS! In other words, the numbers/measurements never tell us exactly when baby will make their appearance. Also, I really did look forward to giving birth a second time because Marisol's birth was so beautiful and empowering. That being said, I did focus a lot on the affirmation that I deserved a fast, easy, comfortable birth - and it really was a lot faster the second time around! I'm sure there were many reasons for this - baby position and being my second-time too. But I know my relaxation and use of Hypnosis were also very helpful!) Oh, also before they checked me I had a wave in the hall near the family room - I remember bending my legs a little - Ebony watched me closely and asked me after, "Are you pushing?" I answered with a definitive "No." but still hadn't mentioned the rectal pressure (I think it was more a subconscious thing at this point, I hadn't really recognized it consciously). The time in the birth center went quickly - we were hardly there 45 minutes and Gerry was born (so I'm told!) They started a bath for me almost immediately... The bath took a while to fill up. Then it was too hot - so I sat by it naked for a few waves. Mike and Marisol were in the next room. I got in the tub and it did feel good at first. They even turned on the jets and Kandace and Ebony left. Next thing I know my water broke during a wave - it was wild! And one of the most memorable moments. I heard it and it felt like a shot gun coming out of me... I was so surprised and told Holly right away and she went to tell Kandace and Ebony. Within moments I was I was pushing and the midwives were there. "Can I stay in the tub? I'm pushing! Do you need to check me??" I think they laughed a little - No, if you're pushing it's ok! So I just realized, I only got "checked" one time! Pushing Gerry out was fast and intense - completely opposite of my experience with Marisol. "Urge to push" does not even describe it - my body just took over. And the noises coming out of me - wow! I couldn't replicate it if I wanted to (although I try to in my Hypnobabies classes! haha) Marisol and Mike had to leave for a few minutes because it was too loud for her little 3 year old ears (I remember hearing her say, "it's too loud!") but they were back in the room to see Gerry make his grand entrance. I wanted to get out of the tub (I would have had him in the water if I wanted), so I made it to the bed and flopped on my side - pushed that way until the midwives suggested going on all fours - I also remember putting my hand down to feel Gerry's head. Once on all fours I was pushing so hard they all were like, "whoa, slow down!" a couple of times and I was able to pant and slow down (afterwards they remarked how in control I was. It was a nice compliment, but I wouldn't say "in control" was exactly how I felt! I was just riding the birth super speed highway!) I could feel his head coming out but at one point asked, "What's going on?!" and Ebony was like, "you're delivering your baby!: When he came out they passed him through my legs to me - "Take your baby!" - and I was the one who got to exclaim, "It's a boy!"  One Happy Mama  We did it! Marisol's not so sure about this whole thing though! My parents arrived within an hour or so of Gerry being born which was good because we didn't have much to eat and I was STARVING. One of my favorite memories is eating a very soggy sub - they had left the sunroof on their van open during the storm (remember the rainbow?) Well, that was the best sandwich I ever had, rainwater and all!  Grandma gets a turn We stayed at the birth center just about exactly four hours. Enough time for me to get cleaned up, for Gerry to get looked over, and to start nursing. We were in our own bed (ha! that's right, family of four - ONE bed!) that night by 9 pm.  Hours old and in the car ready to ride home! The next day two midwives came to check up on Gerry and me at home. What a luxury!  Kandace, Me, Gerry, Sierra  Kandace and Gerry - I was so lucky to have such a wonderful midwife attend his birth! And from there on out it was just us - settling into life as a family of four! Life is good.  There you have it! The birth of our little man, Gerry.
This week I'm giving away the book Journey Into Motherhood. It is an awesome book filled with inspirational stories of natural child birth. This was on our required reading list for becoming a Hypnobabies instructor, and is also on the recommended reading list that we give to our students. I highly recommend it to ALL expecting mamas (and papas!) whether you are planning a natural birth or not, because the stories are so beautiful and powerful. If you've never read or seen natural, empowered birth this can totally re-frame your perspective on birth. Changing your ideas and the images in your mind about birth is a huge first step towards having your *own* beautiful, empowered birth. So please, leave a comment below if you'd like your name put in the drawing for my copy of this book! Also if you want to increase your odds - like my Facebook Page, share the link on Facebook, and share on your blog and I will put your name in 1 more time for each way you share (just make sure you let me know in the comment)! I will pick a winner in one week when I put my next give-away up!  Most of the pictures in today's post are from The Unschool Bus Facebook page. Click on any image, I've linked them up! This is an invitation. To stop and reconsider ideas that you have held tightly, maybe for a long time. To ask questions. To look at someone else who holds a different idea, belief, or conviction than you do, with eyes of love. To speak honestly and with love and to listen earnestly and open your heart. I'm not sure why I'm called to write on this particular topic at this specific point in time. Perhaps it is the strong relationship between my last post on NFP, contraception, pregnancy, abortion, and how all of these relate to women's empowerment and the world we live in. And of course there is the imminent election - abortion keeps popping up on my radar as the election approaches. (Of course I already kind of gave away where my presidential vote is going here!) In the interest of full-disclosure (gotta walk the honest walk!) I will state up front that I definitely identify more strongly with the "pro-life" movement at this point in my life. But I have considered myself "pro-choice" at other times. I also have experience talking with close loved ones about abortion - those on either side of the issue - and I know that it can be discussed both passionately AND compassionately. That being said I believe that part of the problem is the "dichotomy" of "pro-choice" versus "pro-life". This is not a simple issue and even people who call themselves one or the other, may have very different views or ideas than people in the same "camp" as them. Frozen fingers hover over the keyboard. Where to start? Which "side"? What is THE ANSWER? I'm afraid I don't have the answer but I do have more questions. As with many controversial issues, if you start to read about abortion you will quickly start down an endless rabbit hole of information and of course, opinions. For someone like myself (a Gemini of two minds, wishy-washy, open-minded, undecided - whatever you wish to call me) this can be very confusing as you click, read, and follow the infinite path. (Comments, as always, are particularly deadly! Beware.) Instead of clarity you may end up with your brain twisted into dendritic knots. I may not have anything new to say, but I do have my own unique experience and perspective. Hopefully writing about abortion may bring new transparency and open conversation on a very sensitive issue. For me, it helps to break abortion down into relevant and irrelevant issues and the questions that we must ask ourselves. There are other people's stories and perspectives to consider. And when all that is said and done, after we've done the research, and asked the questions, what do our spirits whisper to us when we get very still and quiet. Relevant: To me the most relevant issue is the baby. Is it a baby? Is it a fetus or embryo or zygote? Is it just a ball of cells that feels nothing? When is the point of viability? The biggest problem with abortion is that we don't really know the answers to these questions. And actually all of these words are just terms - scientific words - to describe the process of growing and developing. As in all things that we humans break into stages to understand them - pregnancy, childhood, the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly - these separations are artificial. Everything that is needed to form a whole human being is there when the sperm and egg are joined together. What about pain? When is the baby able to feel the pain of an abortion? It is clear that there are abortions being performed on babies who feel and some who are "viable". I recently heard of twins born at 24 weeks gestation and surviving. About 12% of abortions are in the second trimester of pregnancy, and, although rare, some past 20 weeks. This year a baby was born at 21 weeks 5 days and survived. The point of "viability" is a huge gray area in the argument for allowing abortions. To me technology does NOT always = better. It has not proven better in birth, in our food sources, or in caring for our children. But with improvements in our medical knowledge babies are surviving against all odds at more premature stages. Also as we get clearer images of babies in the womb through ultrasound and other images we get to see exactly how human babies are from a very early stage of development. So in a bit of an ironic twist, technology is showing us very clearly the miracle of life that begins as a baby in a mother's womb.  Humorous but relevant quote... I mean really, think about what an amazing miracle each one of us is! I recently read the book Unplanned, by Abby Johnson. I believe everyone should take the time to read it - both "pro-lifers" and "pro-choicers" and everyone in all the shades of gray between. Abby Johnson was a director of a Planned Parenthood clinic in Texas who ended up having a dramatic conversion after witnessing and participating in an abortion. The description of that event alone makes the book a worthwhile read. Also since she was a very active participant in the pro-choice movement, and now the pro-life movement, she has a very unique and informed perspective. Did you know that there are Abortion SURVIVORS? Yes, people who were meant to be aborted as babies but live. Awful but true. I was thinking the other day about what children might have to say on the issue of abortion. Now, I'm not suggesting that we all ask our kids what they think, because in my opinion it is not a topic that children should be burdened with (heck, I'm still barely able to wrap my brain around it!) But I have a decent idea of what most kids would think and say. Kids have a way of cutting through everything - fancy rhetoric, scientific terminology, and emotional baggage - and I'm pretty sure kids would naturally be against abortion. Here you can find some voices of children and their feelings about abortion. I'm not saying that children can understand all of the complexities surrounding abortion, I'm simply noting that kids have a way of seeing things how they are and they are much better than adults are at trusting their instincts. Thinking of their reactions, thoughts, and words can help us reconnect to our inner-voices. Not relevant: I guess it's pretty obvious that I've convinced myself that when talking about abortion, we're talking about taking a LIFE. I have a difficult time seeing much of any other way (but as I've stated, am willing to read material that may change my mind). Once that is clear in my mind, there are some things that just become irrelevant. One of those is that there are people in the "pro-life" camp that are hypocritcal. This ranges from statements such as "I don't want a white, middle-aged man telling me what I can or cannot do," to "Pro-life people care about a fetus but then don't do anything to help real, living people (poor children/mothers etc.)" or "How can you be pro-life and be pro-gun/pro-war/pro-death penalty". Sure, there is hypocrisy. There is hypocrisy everywhere. But that doesn't mean that we reject everything the Hypocrite believes just because that is what they believe. In fact, the Hypocrite may have some things right. Another argument that doesn't sit well with me is "It's my body". It seems pretty obvious that there are always two bodies involved in abortion. Another irrelevant, peripheral argument that come to my mind is the world's population. Yes, there are a lot of humans. Is this a problem? Could be. Is abortion the answer? I don't think so.  The Gray areas: Finally, we get to the hardest part of this topic. The mothers. Our mothers, sisters, friends, and daughters. Women with stories. Women who feel trapped and out of options. Women without a partner, or an abusive partner, with few financial resources or with big dreams. Young women and old women. In the most horrible cases, women who are taken advantage of, abused, even raped - often by people that should love them. In the case of poor women, the hard-reality that they cannot give a child the life they dream of. And of course the children that actually live this reality - of poverty and lack, or even worse of pain, abuse, and neglect. From the Facts on Abortion, "At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, one in 10 women will have an abortion by age 20, one in four by age 30 and three in 10 by age 45." 30%of women by age 45 will have an abortion! For me, this is not about judgement or condemnation. Many women I know who are pro-choice readily admit that they don't feel abortion is right for them but they don't think it's for them to decide for another woman. We *feel* for the mothers that come to a place in their lives where they feel like this is the best decision for them. Because the truth is: NO ONE *WANTS* TO HAVE TO HAVE AN ABORTION. I don't have the answers to these terrible, unfair, inhumane circumstances. I believe the big questions we need to ask ourselves are - Are we fighting AGAINST the world we actually live in now? or Are we aiming for what we know the world SHOULD BE? I know it's idealistic, but I want to aim for a world where abortion isn't even necessary. I know that all "the bad stuff" is still there - it's still happening every day. So we work to end these terrible things. We reach out with compassion and love to those who aren't as fortunate as we are. But we can't use one, or even many, bad things to justify another. Two wrongs never make a right.  Holy Tangled Monkey Chains! I know that this post was hardly an unbiased look at the "sides" of abortion. In the end I make up my mind based on what makes sense to me and what my heart is telling me. The only thing I know for certain is that most likely I will change my mind again tomorrow and the day after that. I welcome other respectfully stated viewpoints here. I do think I've shown that I respect and understand parts of the "pro-choice" perspective and the "pro-life" perspective. I'd like to propose a paradigm shift to "pro-humanity" - the humanity inside a woman's womb, the humanity of the pregnant woman who feels alone, trapped, and without options, the humanity of the father of the child in the mother's womb, the humanity in the religious and non-religious, the humanity in politicians and priests, and for everyone in between. Because I love humanity.  |
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Susan MayWife, mom, information and peace seeker. Categories
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