Carter - you are 3 months old today. I will not say that time is going "too" fast because I'm trying to learn to let go and live in the moment. This is a constant practice. But I will say that time is going SO fast. I knew it would go faster this time - because the older I get the faster time goes. It's a universal human understanding, but it still boggles our minds. Also, I have your big sister and brother keeping me busy. It is a good kind of busy and "Time" is moving just as it should, I know. Still my heart sometimes resists and this clinging creates a sweet ache.
Anyway - moving on (and letting go!) The other day I was rocking you upstairs in our bedroom and singing to you. I have a favorite Pandora channel called "Lullaby". "All of Me" came on - and I crooned "I give you all of me" while you smiled back at me. I was struck by how "romantic" love songs are often perfect for describing a Mother's love too. You like it when I sing to you - sometimes you even "sing" with me, in happy screeches and warbles - so I am going to keep singing to you every day until you are old enough to tell me to stop.
I stared at you feeling the love course through my body. And I wondered how anyone can ever think that tiny, little humans can be "manipulative." How did we get to this place of believing that it's possible to "spoil" our babies or that we need to start "teaching" you how to be "independent" and "self-soothe" before you are even able to roll over on your own? My heart aches for babies and families who suffer - many unable to do things differently, confined by real and imagined restrictions in their lives, largely created by the culture they are steeped in. I wish things were different but I am grateful for the many blessings in our own life that allow us the freedom to choose our own way, as different or odd as it may seem to many.
You are growing at lightning speed, yes. Another piece of this puzzle is that things are easier this time. I told myself it would be - different and easier. This was my hope and so far my expectation has proven true. Is it because you are easier or because I am confident and sure of how I do things? Is it HOW I am parenting or your Nature that is making for such a smooth start to your life? My best guess is that it is a little bit of both.
You've slept with me from day 1 and we only used your bassinet a handful of times - mostly when I wanted to put you down for a couple of minutes so I could go to the bathroom or change my clothes. Miss Katie sure has enjoyed her new bed though!
I've kept you in my arms as much as possible, using carriers to make it easier to keep you close and keep on living life too. I just finished reading the "Continuum Concept" and it reinforced my desire to keep you close as much as possible and to always respond to your sounds and cries - your way of communicating your needs to us for now.
I started holding you over the sink when you were 3 days old and you now use our little potty multiple times per day. This morning you were kicking and squirming for a good 10 minutes while I tried to soothe you back to sleep with nursing so I could get a few more minutes of sleep. But you didn't need or want milk - you needed to get up! So up we got, and I was rewarded for my efforts - you managed to wait until I got you to your potty! I am amazed at how well we are doing with Elimination Communication and it one of my favorite things about caring for you. You are content to sit on the potty with my arm around your solid little belly - needing less support every day now that your neck grows strong enough to hold your head up. After you've used the potty and I lay you on the couch to put a new diaper on (or the same one if it was clean!) you smile and talk to me. You are so happy and I love it!
Yes, you are content and that makes everyone in the family feel good. Marisol and Gerry dote on you. They help by talking to you and keeping you company. Marisol is starting to pick you up and carry you around - although not far because you are quite heavy already! (I can't wait to go to the Doctor this week and get your "official" weight - I think you are already 15 pounds, give or take, based on weighing you on our scale in my arms. I can't believe how big you are already!) Daddy loves to hold you and talk to you every morning and evening after work - sometimes harrassing with you with raspberries - his scratchy face rubbing yours. You are loved little one.
I wish everyone could experience parenting this way - joyful and with ease. You are already so good at communicating with us and I love meeting every need. We have completed the "Fourth Trimester" and it was wonderful. Onward and upward from here - literally and figuratively!
Thanks for joining our family Carter, We Love You!
Wife, mom, information and peace seeker.