No Limits on Screen time? Is that Natural?

10/8/2013

Welcome to the October 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Technology

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their families' policies on screen time.

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I like to joke with my students that birth was my "gateway" to all things natural and crunchy. (You know like the evil gateway drugs they taught us about in school - for example marijuana. Only this is a good gateway - well in my opinion anyway!)

Motherhood introduced me into a new world. After natural childbirth, it was a logical progression to learn about breastfeeding, cosleeping, cloth diapers, and then Elimination communication. More recently our diet includes a greater variety of organic foods. It's something that is important to my husband and I. We know it's rubbing off on our kids because our daughter will now ask "is this organic?" about new foods.

So how do all of these practices and beliefs mesh with having no limits on our kids' screen time? The two don't seem to jive together at all! Believe me, there are plenty of times when I feel like we don't really "fit-in" anywhere, so I understand why there may be confusion!

To be honest, when my daughter was little I was on the "limit screen time" bandwagon. Then I found unschooling and it rocked my world - literally turning a lot of things I thought I "knew" upside down. Since my daughter was about 2 years old we have pretty much let her decide what she wants to watch/play and when. I know it may sound kooky to some people, but it has actually worked out really well for us and I see so many benefits every day. I'm going to quickly address a couple of misconceptions people have about "no-limits" and then let you know what the major benefits of having no limits have been in our family.

MISCONCEPTIONS

1) "No limits" means kids watch things that are not appropriate for them. This is not true. Kids generally don't want to watch things that are not meant for them. Marisol will close her eyes and cover her ears if an advertisement comes on for a scary (usually adult content) show. "Finding Nemo" was her first favorite movie and for a while we fast forwarded the part with sharks every time. Kids know what they can handle and are ready for. (What may be needed is the consistent presence of an adult to guide them as they navigate. But given support, they will find their way.)

2) "No limits" means they will watch 24/7. This is also not true. Now, I will admit that there are times that my kids get lots of "screen time" - and their average is probably more than most kids'. But every time I find I'm not comfortable with how much they are watching I first examine my own feelings and actions. Perhaps I am being lazy and not offering enticing alternatives. (An important caveat to this statement - I don't offer things to lure them away, because I truly believe TV, computers, and other technology are beneficial in their own right. I just want to feel secure that they are CHOOSING these things and not turning to them out of boredom or because they can't think of other things to do. That is my role. If I offer a few things and TV/computer is what they really want at that time, then I let go - I don't continue to push them to try and get them to stop watching.) Maybe we all NEEDED a day of rest around the house and enjoying favorite TV shows and catching up on Facebook. Now that my kids are even just a little bit older, this is becoming much less of an issue for me. We are so active and busy that I just don't worry about it any more.

Adding zeros and naming numbers! Courtesy of Curious George.

BENEFITS

1) My kids learn SO MUCH from technology (shows, games, computer, apps - you name it!) Often times Marisol uses a word or expression and I'll ask her, "How do you know that??" and she can almost always name the show (she likes to say she learns most everything she knows from shows. It kind of tickles both of us when she says that!) The other morning she said to Gerry, "Your skin is so soft - do you use moisturizer?" and after I was done laughing (one, because I've never said that word - I say "lotion" - and two, because neither of my kids are fond of any skin products!) I found out she knows the word "moisturizer" from the Disney show "Shake it Up".

On the last night of our vacation in September, Gerry used sidewalk chalk to write out and name the numbers 1, 10, 100, and 1000 by adding a zero to each preceding number. Mike was impressed. That gem of knowledge came from Curious George.

I could go on and on and I know that some people may be shaking their heads thinking, "Come on, this sounds like a flimsy argument defending unlimited media use. How much can they really learn??" I think it's one of those things - you have to see it to believe it.

2) Our relationships benefit. This is a multifaceted statement. Our relationships are made stronger by watching and playing together. And they are strengthened because our individual wishes are respected. We don't have any fights or battles over any of these things (except over who gets to use the Big TV!) I believe that statement alone is worth it's weight in gold. How many parents and children would love to never fight over "one more show" or more computer or game time? It's really this simple - you can stop, you don't have to fight over it.

3) My kids don't value TV over other things. What I mean by this is: because I'm not the one deciding when and how much they can watch, the value of it isn't made greater to them. (Think about anything that is limited in your life - if it's something you really like, you want it more when it's limited. Read this great article for further clarification.) How I know that this is true is that my 7 year old now prefers for the TV to be OFF when friends come over - especially if they are friends that don't get to watch TV a lot. Why? Because she wants to play with them, and when the TV is on they don't want to play. I also can see it in our everyday lives all the time because we choose to do lots of other things - including getting outside to play most days.

I wrote a while ago about how getting outside and using technology are not mutually exclusive. And it does seem counter-intuitive that someone who is all about "natural" ways of living would allow full access to TVs, computers, and smartphones to her kids. But you know what is natural about this decision? Honoring my kids and their innate drive to explore and utilize everything in their environment to learn and make sense of the world. And in doing that I also honor our relationships and we continue to grow together. And that feels 100% natural and right.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (list will be updated throughout the day on October 8):

Has Technology Taken Away Childhood? — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama worries that technology is intruding on the basic premise of childhood - active play in all forms! Join her as she takes a brief look at how play has changed as technology becomes more integrated into the daily lives of our children.
Fostering a Healthy Relationship with Technology — Jenn at Adventures Down Under describes her children's love of screen time and how her family implements their philosophy and policies on technology.
Kids Chores for Tech Privileges — Crunchy Con Mommy shares how tying chore completion to iPad privileges worked in her house to limit screen time and inspire voluntary room cleaning!
Screens — Without the benefit of her own experience, sustainablemum explains her family's use of technology in their home.
Screen Time - The Battle of Ideologies — Laura from Laura's Blog explains why she is a mom who prioritizes outdoor natural play for her kids but also lets them have ample screen time.
The Day My iPhone Died — Revolution Momma at Raising a Revolution questions the role technology plays in her life when she is devastated after losing her phone's picture collection from her daughter's first year.
Finding our Technological Balance — Meegs at A New Day talks about how she finds balance between wanting her daughter to enjoy all the amazing technology available to her, without it overwhelming the natural parenting she's striving for.
Raising kids who love TV — Lauren at Hobo Mama sometimes fears what children who love screentime will grow up to be … until she realizes they'll be just like her.
No Limits on Screen Time? Is that Natural? — Susan at Together Walking shares misconceptions and benefits of having no limits on technology and screen time in their home.
Screen Time — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares what is currently working (and what hasn't) regarding screen time in her household.
Positive Use of Technology with Kids — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about her family's experiences with early technology, shares helpful resources from around the blogosphere, and speculates on what she'd do as a parent with young children today.
why i will never quit you, TV — How Emma of Your Fonder Heart came to terms with the fact that screen time is happening, and what balance looks like between real and virtual life for both her toddler AND herself.
Technology Speaks — Janet at Our Little Acorn finds many uses for technology - including giving her child a voice.
5 Ways to Extend Children's Screen Time into Creative Learning Opportunities — Looking for a way to balance screen time with other fun learning experiences? Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares 5 fun ways to take your child's love of favorite shows or video games and turn them into creative educational activities.
What parents can learn about technology from teachers — Douglas Blane at Friendly Encounters discusses how technology in schools enhances children's learning, and where to find out more.
5 Tips for a Peaceful Home — Megan of the Boho Mama and author at Natural Parents Network shares her favorite 5 tips for creating a peaceful home environment.
Technology and Natural Learning — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling writes about the importance of technology as a tool for natural, self-directed learning.
Babies and Technology — Jana Falls shares how her family has coped, changed their use of, relied on, and stopped using various forms of technology since their little man arrived on the scene
Kids and Technology — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis talks about the benefits of using technology with her preschooler, and includes a few of their favorite resources.
Using Technology to Your Advantage: Helping Children Find Balance — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy discusses how technology can be used or abused and gives a few tips to help children learn balance.

14 Comments

Meegs link

10/7/2013 11:36:52 pm

I don't think one can say that more TV or less TV is more or less crunchy. I think one has to find what works best for their family, which you seem to have done beautifully. For my daughter, some restrictions on time spent seems to work well.

Susan link

10/8/2013 01:27:45 pm

I guess you are right - technology is pretty much ubiquitous in our lives so it does not define our crunchiness ;-)

Thanks for the comment love!

Momma Jorje link

10/7/2013 11:55:08 pm

Great post! I kind of wish we didn't need limits. We see a drastic difference in Sasha's behavior / attitude (lots of meltdowns) when she gets unlimited time with the screen. In fact, she's more likely to wet herself, too. Spencer may be different, we'll see.

And there definitely needs to be a balance. Your kids are getting that. Oh, and Sasha is practically teaching herself to read using the shows she watches and the computer games she plays! There is LOTS to learn using technology!!

10/8/2013 01:30:45 pm

Thanks or the comment! How old are your kids? I remember one time Gerry wet himself because he didn't want to stop playing Thomas trains on a train table. I also remember a little girl I babysat who had an accident because she played computer too long and didn't make it. Sometimes kids are just so into what they are doing and relieving their bladder is such a nuisance!

I appreciate hearing everyone's experiences and perspectives - it makes me realize more new things!

Dionna @ Code Name: Mama link

10/8/2013 12:38:52 am

I've known people who unschool screen time, and I'm still not convinced ;) One thing that has made the most sense to me is a friend who said that part of what she's done is to made her kids aware of how too much screen time makes them feel - physically, emotionally, etc. We try that with our son (he gets easily frustrated and almost aggressive after screen time, and he doesn't watch/play violent programming), and he is the one who has suggested a 30 minute limit of screen time/day, so . . . maybe I'm half-convinced ;)

10/8/2013 01:32:33 pm

Yes, I do believe that we have biological needs - to eat good food, to move, to be outside - and technology is for sure impacting us fulfilling these needs. I just think that my kids can learn about these things without me deciding for them.

You're half convinced, eh? Only half way to go then! ;-)

Lauren @ Hobo Mama link

10/8/2013 10:04:16 am

I really like this post! We don't really limit screen time either, at least not in the commonly assumed ways. I will entice kids away if things start seeming off-balance — my older child in particular has trouble self-regulating at this age (I imagine it will come with time). For instance, we tried self-regulating bedtime, and he just would never go to sleep, literally. It was kind of entertaining/horrifying to watch. :) But! We definitely have plenty of screen time and yet plenty of non-screen time, too, and I'm not fussed by the idea of kids with screens.

As you say, they learn so much through it. Mikko's mind is always churning when he watches his shows — they make him want to do self-guided science experiments, and talk about math concepts, and research sea animals, and so on. I love the world that opens up. We use apps and games, too, and when I get worried he plays a lot, I'm just reminded of my little brother, who did the same and who's grown up to be a successful computer programmer who builds his own computers.

So: Thanks for sharing your story! It sounds a lot like ours. Glad to know we have company. :)

10/8/2013 01:33:52 pm

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I also enjoyed reading about yours - it's nice to know we're not alone in our oddness ;-)

Brittany link

10/8/2013 02:31:15 pm

I don't have much experience with screen time restrictions as a parent, but I speak to my experience as a child. Growing up my mom didn't limit screen time. Granted there were a fewer types of screens in the 90's... but we had television and computer.
I used to like playing little educational computer games now and then. And in the third grade, I would stay up pretty late on the weekends just to watch Three's Company. In fifth grade I was obsessed with playing the Harry Potter Nintendo 2 game - for one weekend; after which I never played the game again.
But from the fact that I can list exactly three times when this happened, you can see that it was never really an unhealthy habit. I have far more and better memories of playing outside, with dolls, and swimming than of electronics. Without enforcement of any limits.
That's not to say that limits are bad, I think like almost EVERYTHING in parenting is comes down to what works for your family. A screen time limitation might be a good idea when we notice it affecting the child's development, attitude, well-being, or family. But I think what you're doing can work too. If kids can explore and set their own limits, they might find their own way to balance technology in an authentic and unique way.

10/9/2013 06:19:35 am

Thanks for sharing your experience Brittany. I have to admit when I started reading and you said your mom didn't limit I was a little nervous about what was going to follow (I have read people who felt very strongly about how their parents should have done things before!)

I think limits can be bad if they are negatively affecting a child, their relationships with their parents, and/or their future behavior. It is common to hear about food (next month's carnival theme, yay!) - adults who have a really unhealthy relationship with food because they were so heavily controlled as children.

By the way, Harry Potter games when you were in 5th grade?? All of a sudden I feel old. ;-)

sustainablemum link

10/8/2013 07:05:18 pm

I love reading about different ways families manage screens and their use. I have long been fascinated by unlimited use and that is where we are mostly at. I have noticed a definite shift in the last few months when we started what we are doing now. Yesterday my children had no screen time at all they were too busy elsewhere!

10/9/2013 06:21:37 am

It is amazing to see how things work themselves out over time. When I really know I'm at peace is when we DO watch TV/play computer games all day and I still feel good about things. That is the true litmus test.

Thanks for commenting!

Melissa link

10/11/2013 11:29:37 am

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this. The topic of screen time and what sort of limits to set its one post of parenting in which I have not found my groove yet. I don't allow my 1 year old twins any sort of screen time (unless the day has been one of THOSE days) but my almost 3 year old loves loves loves his screen time. I am often uncomfortable with how much he chooses to watch shows or play on the kindle if given no sort of limit, but like you said, perhaps I need to examine where my discomfort is coming from. He loves to play outside and do other things, but with 3 very young kids I feel the need to rely on screen time just to keep my head above water most of the time. Thank you for making me feel less mommy guilt over this and for sharing new ways to look at it!

arduino in chennai link

5/13/2014 04:02:54 pm

nice posts

No Limits on Screen time? Is that Natural?

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