My dad likes to say that I have an answer for everything. (We like to have verbal spars. Well, I think we like it anyways.) It's kinda true - I usually *do* have an answer for most anything. One of the recurrent disagreements in my marriage has been that I always have to be right. Well, duh, I mean I *am* always right. ha.
I was thinking about this more tonight as I came off my New Year's high today. I was specifically thinking about how when I'm in an argument with someone (who am I kidding... with my husband) how it's so easy to see my side. I'm not appreciated, or understood, and certainly not heard. I'm sure if I ranted to a close girlfriend she would commiserate and affirm for me that of course I'm RIGHT to be hurt.
But I'm actually I'm pretty good at seeing his side too. Which just makes things more confusing. I can be in the middle of a fight and still think about all he does for me and the kids, and how lucky we are to have him - and that just makes me feel worse. I can even see how he might be feeling or why he is saying or doing the things that are hurting me.
Today I finally realized. We're both right. A while ago a really smart person helped me find a really powerful affirmation. I was stuck on this idea that I had a "need" (core belief) to be right. I thought the "antidote" to cure me of this was the phrase, "I don't have to be right". Instead she told me to try "I am right for me." Whoa. That felt great!
I *am* right for me. Can't argue with that. And I'm sure that *you* are right for *you*. As I struggled the past two days with my feelings I realized that I had very wisely chosen my word for this year. Listen. Each one of us makes choices and does things because they MAKE SENSE to us. They are RIGHT for us. But sometimes what makes sense and feels right to us can hurt someone else - even, or especially, someone we love. So that is why it is so, so, SO important that we become good listeners. And not just to what words another person is saying but what messages they are giving us with their actions, with their body language, with the words they don't say. When we listen with our whole self then we can begin to understand their perspective and see that they are right too.
So it was a great kick-off to 2013. My word is already being tested and lessons being learned. I wouldn't expect any less.
Wife, mom, information and peace seeker.