I am... Almost Awake!

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I've been pondering the quote on this page. For a while I focused on the word "judging". I've grappled with judging and judgment many times. And I've kind of come to the conclusion that "judging" is kind of part of the human experience. After all making a "judgment" means that you are forming an opinion about something. That is what I do as a parent and as a writer here. I share my opinion about what I think is right and wrong, about what makes life sweeter or more difficult.


So the above quote really caught my attention. Will I ever *truly* be awake if I can't stop "judging"? I think of awake as being conscious, deliberate, and thoughtful. I am confident that all of those adjectives describe me. So how could I evolve more along these lines?


Last week I had an experience that pushed me closer than ever to my awakening. A couple of popular bloggers (and by popular, I mean these writers have hundreds of thousands of readers and followers - it's humbling) wrote posts that really got under my skin. And I'm not going to lie, part of what smarts so much is that they *are* so popular and these views that don't jive with me AT. ALL. are embraced by their readers. 


So I started to think about how I want to feel and what I can do to achieve these feelings. Lately I've been advising lots of people to stop watching the news or inundating their consciousness with every little detail of the world's happenings (they aren't often happy). But I wondered if maybe I could use a little of my own advice. What purpose does it serve for me to read these blogs if they are just upsetting me? I mean, yes I could comment in an attempt to make my views and opinions heard. But really, I'm not deluding myself into thinking that I'm going to make much headway in forums like those. 

I also do think it's healthy to hear different opinions of things. But quite honestly, it was as much *how* these opinions were presented that bothered me, as the opinions themselves. One in particular just wasn't respectfully presented. 

So I made a choice to stop subscribing to these two writers - even though they are talented and funny and I often enjoy their work. It just wasn't worth the mental turmoil it was causing me.

A refrain in one of those irritating (to me) blog entries was "I don't care." And actually it's not that I mind those words. Sometimes the words "I don't care" are empowering. But if they are said to dismiss others or to fool ourselves into believing that something we really *do* care about isn't worth our time, then these words can be dangerous.


Ironically, these three words also led me to feel closer to my awakening. I'm getting closer and closer to "not caring" what others think. Don't get me wrong, I still *do* care greatly about other people. But the more comfortable I am in my own skin and in my choices and thought processes, the less I worry about what others think of me. Also, I cannot worry about other people's paths. Everyone is on their own personal journey of growth and each one is unique. Some people are going to resonate with my message and "truth" and other people aren't. And the more I can let go of trying to control what others think, the more I am able to stay on my path. That's what it means to be awakened and to not judge others. Because we can't help those that don't want to be helped. We can't force a horse to drink even if we are holding its face in the water. It's not my job to try and get people to agree with me.  


My job is to be me and love everyone the best I can.