I am struggling. I find it difficult to forgive you. When the sky was falling and the world was falling apart...You abandoned me and my family. You told me to be quiet. You insisted that I was a danger to others because I had questions.
You thought our relationship was better off if we just ignored the issue.
Worse...you cut me off because it was too difficult for you to see me.
But you were wrong... our relationship isn't better and the questions didn't disappear because you banished me.
I'm not lonely. I've made amazing new friends...people who are my family and love me for who I am - questions and all. I feel more peaceful and connected than I ever have before.
But it still hurts. I miss you. Because no one else is You. And no one else shares the history that we did. It sucks.
I hope you are well. I wish health and happiness for you and yours. I'd reach out but... it feels you've set a boundary. The chasm seems too deep and wide to bridge right now.
And so I cry. And slowly I heal. This is my work.
I am wary of you. You showed me I could not trust you (at least "past you"...) Maybe someday we'll rebuild a shaky bridge together. And we'll place each plank...with intention, carefully hammering in new nails, slowly reaching out from our respective "sides" of the ravine...taking our time until we can meet in the middle.
I'm ready when you are. Life is too short and Love is the only way.
Wife, mom, information and peace seeker.