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I began the week with a heavy weight sitting in my chest. Like a dense, flat stone wrapped in achy despair, I could physically feel Depression getting comfortable inside of me, making breathing difficult, much less any other activity. You know the feeling - when you have zero motivation or desire to DO anything, and the voice in your head (the critic, censor, gremlin - whatever you call it) gets louder and harsher every minute - especially because you didn't *do* anything all day (more accurately, you feel like you didn't do anything even if you did a lot). "You are a terrible mother", "Every choice you've ever made is questionable..." and let's not forget, "What's your problem - your life is amazing and you have nothing to complain about!" and on and on and on... What triggered this emotional despair? Why did I have this unwelcome guest living inside of me? The house felt small, confining... and very messy. Of course I had my period (again?? really? didn't I just have it last month?!) - so maybe it was hormones? My parents visited the prior week - a very, very fun day, but also too, too short - was it the normal sadness I almost always feel after seeing them? Of course the house was a disaster. The weather was cool and gray, so maybe it was a seasonal thing. Or was it the less than supportive exchange between me and my husband the other night? The sadness I felt soon amplified by my own thoughts, even after he apologized. And - did I mention my house was (I mean is! it's kind of it's normal state) a MESS?! But I decided it mattered little why I was feeling this way. And being no stranger to the feeling, I took matters in to my own hands the best I could. Monday night I was slouched low on the couch surrounded by chaos, toys littering the floor, and no dinner to be found when Mike got home from work (this is often the case when he gets home, it was only my *internal* environment that had changed). I could not think of one thing that I wanted to do even though I knew there were plenty of things I "should" do. I looked up at him and said, "I'm going on a jog." He didn't argue, only asked, "Can we come too?" And so we all went on a family jog/bike ride, bike trailer and sneakers ready to go in a few minutes. I don't know why I was so inspired (as exercise is still not even a weekly habit yet, much less a daily one), only that I was thinking of the runner's high I've gotten before and how amazing that feels. And I thought afterwards I will be motivated to do other things. And it was just as I expected! After that short jog and some fresh air I returned home re-energized and ready to tackle the dishes in the sink. Depression wasn't quite ready to give up so quickly though, and Tuesday morning the dull, heavy ache returned, as did the dark thoughts of how my life could be better if only this or that were true. (Oh and did I mention that my dear son stayed up till after 1 am the "night" before?) Again that evening we laced up our sneakers and temporarily I shook the big "D" off my trail. That night I reflected on the last time he wasn't so easily shaken and stayed for several months. I remembered how I finally got him to take a long hike - it was a good conversation with my husband. I made a mental "note-to-self".  Who could stay upset at these Sleeping Beauties?!? Wednesday, Thursday and Friday brought beautiful fall weather, time with good friends, and a new, inspiring book. I'm feeling like I may have evicted Depression from his comfortable bed in my chest so I distilled my experience from this week into a list: 10 Things to Do When Depression Tries to Settle in For a Stay: Take Care of Your Basic Needs: 1) Move! Exercise is always important, but never so much as when you are feeling down. The natural feel-good hormones released and rush of adrenaline you get are enough to expel bad feelings for at least a little while. Lethargy is "no more", and you often have enough pep afterwards to tackle a few other things you didn't even want to look at before. And even if you don't want to do "other things" you can feel good, because, hey - you exercised!  My Running Buddies 2) Rest - This is really important if you haven't had enough sleep. Make time to rest. Of course this does NOT mean lie around on the couch watching soaps or in bed under the covers all day. It means if you are drained to take care of yourself and not run yourself further into the ground. 3) Eat well - take the time to prepare healthy foods for yourself even when you don't feel like it. The act of cooking alone helped make me feel more accomplished this week. Beyond the Basics 4) Don't think - This is especially true if you are tired - and often sleep evades us when we are depressed. Tired thinking is NEVER helpful (and I NEVER use the word NEVER!) Our thoughts often become cyclical and more negative with time when we are down so we spiral farther and farther down into sadness. Best to just recognize we are tired, sad, or whatever else and that now is NOT THE TIME TO BE THINKING! 5) Breathe, Meditate and Mantras - this is especially helpful if you are having a difficult time with numbers 2 or 4. Deep breathing is very relaxing for our whole selves. Meditating is a powerful way to rest your mind, body, and spirit and get to a calmer, lighter place. Another way to evade those negative self-defeating thoughts is to have a few handy mantras to repeat with your inhale and exhale - "Breathe in Peace, Breathe out Love", "Rest my mind, calm my heart", and "Be here, Be now" are a few of my current favorites. And of course don't forget Affirmations! If you're having a hard time stopping the flow of thoughts at least you can redirect your mind with some kind, loving thoughts towards yourself. 6) Vent - Let those closest to you know how you are feeling. Get the feelings OUT of you. Of course you don't want to constantly be talking about your woes either, but it doesn't do you good to bottle them up. Find a couple (or in my case a few more than that!) of trusted loved ones who you know will listen and honor you. 7) Connect - similar to number 6 yet different. If you're a parent with young kids - plan a play date with friends that you all love and feel comfortable with. Call your mom or best friend. We are SOCIAL beings and being alone with dark thoughts and feelings only exacerbates loneliness. Of course when we are feeling depressed it is often the hardest time to reach out - and this is why it is imperative that we do. 8) Get out! Get outside or at least out of your house. If the weather is nice go for a walk. If you have kids get to the playground. Fresh air and a change in scene is so crucial to the health of our spirit.  9) Listen to music - For someone who was pretty heavily involved in music in the past I've really gotten away from it since having children. But this past year I've begun to have music be more a part of my daily life again and it is such a powerful mood-booster. I love me some Pandora!
10) Plan a party! I'm not kidding. Tuesday Marisol started planning a party, and all I could think was, "Really?! I do NOT want to plan a party right now." But by Wednesday I had embraced the idea and we are in full on preparations now. There is literally no time for me to wallow because I have to get ready! If not a party, plan something in the near future that you have to work on. Usually when we are feeling sad, lonely, or depressed we don't "feel" like doing many or any of these things. Sometimes we just have to make ourselves pick one and just go for it. I know for me it made a huge difference to try all of these things this week. What things do you do to turn things around when you are feeling blue?
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 Marisol dressed up and poses at Mt. Vernon When I saw the topic for this month's blog carnival I was stumped at first. "The Best Thing"... hmmm? What is the *BEST* thing? I've been pretty high on life for quite some time now, so to pick one thing seemed daunting. But then one night cuddled up in bed Marisol whispered to me, "I love my life" and I thought, now *that* is the best thing. Hearing my daughter say that she loves her life is such a beautiful affirmation for me and all of these "unconventional" choices that we are making. Hearing that she loves her life in spite of the fact that she is sometimes bored, and even though she has been having some rather intense emotions lately, well that to me is THE best thing.
It's even better than hearing her say she loves me every day, and better than hearing her say that I am the best mama EVER, or that "This is the BEST. DAY. EVER." The contentment that I can hear in her voice, the love that exudes from her, her excitement to plan a new week, and watching her learn new things every day makes every challenge worth it. Even better? I can honestly say that I can 100% agree and shout in unison with her, "I LOVE MY LIFE!" This year has been so amazing so far. I've just felt this incredible amount of growth and although it can be overwhelming and exhausting, it is mostly just invigorating and wonderful. I'm reading a couple of really good, interesting books this week (I visited one of my favorite bookstores - my mother-in-law's house - Thanks Gigi!) One book that I am really enjoying is called "Rediscover Catholicism: A spiritual guide to living with passion and purpose", by Matthew Kelly. This book is powerful regardless of your religion or spiritual beliefs - actually the sub-title says so much about its message, everyone wants to live with passion and purpose, right?! Anyways, I'm not ready yet to do a review or analysis yet but I wanted to share one quote that has had a huge impact on me this past week. In the chapter about saints Kelly talks about Mother Teresa and there is a quote about her. "For the moment you were with her, there was only you and her. She wasn't looking over your shoulder to see what was happening around you. You had her full attention. It was as if nothing else existed to her except you." Wow. How amazing is that? And what if we all treated each other with that much love and respect? I know that I write a lot about parenting and my radical ideas of treating our children in exactly this way. But the truth is that I often fall short. I'm often not present - on my phone or computer, on the phone (ha, just realized I said PHONE twice - how appropriate... to clear things up, the first phone refers to my iPhone, and the second our "land" line - which is really digital - but I digress), reading a book... whatever the current distraction might be. But I've felt a new calmness settling in around and inside of me lately. I've mentioned a few times this year how ON FIRE I've been. And that is an amazing thing! But when I'm on fire I have a tendency to be in motion too and always trying to get something done or moving on to the next thing. Then, more recently I had a little bit of a depression in my mood and activity. I lost my way a bit. I just got back from a visit to my home-town. The kids and I stayed with my parents, visiting family and friends for 2 weeks. Coming back is always an adjustment too. But I feel like I really got back to myself and what's most important to me. So, I feel like I am slowly swinging back into a really healthy balance. I'm no longer concerned that my new found love of writing is going to disappear. (It's here to stay! I'm not running out of ideas anytime soon. :) I'm also realizing that I really just need to BE with my kids the majority of the time - especially because we are choosing to home-school. This is not a new revelation or rocket-science - but I also know that sometimes we "know" something in our heads before our hearts embrace it, and because of this our actions lag behind what we know is right. That's why we must at once be patient with ourselves while always striving to improve.  So, my point is (I swear I have one!), that for whatever reason this particular quote about Mother Teresa made something CLICK for me, and it is transforming our lives again in the most beautiful way. I want my kids to feel that way about me - to feel like I am giving them my complete, undivided attention and love. That *they* are the most important part of my day - not my facebook newsfeed, not my latest blog post, and not the gazillions of cute pictures OF THEM that I haven't had time to do anything with. I haven't even needed to print this quote out or put it anywhere, it just keeps popping up in my brain reminding me... slow down, breathe, trust, listen, smile, love... LIVE.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates  Gerry in his night-time diaper. Yes you can see his shorts peeking out UNDERNEATH the diaper! A Friend's Facebook Status One Time Long Ago: Remind me that the next time I put a diaper on (my baby) before sleeping with him in one bed in a hotel room I MUST remember to make sure his penis is inside the diaper. I don't really have many pet peeves. There just isn't a lot that annoys me - especially little things that people do. I don't feel like it's worth the effort or time to get upset over things like people talking with food in their mouths or forgetting to introduce me to their spouse. But recently I've discovered a chink in my pet peeve armor. I really can't stand it when people say things or do things without thinking about them. Statements like, "well everyone's doing such and such these days," or "That's just how it's done now" are the epitome of unexamined thoughts and actions. And if these statements are made in regards to children then my tail feathers REALLY get ruffled. *Thinking* is essential when we are making decisions regarding our children. Not reacting or doing what our neighbor does or what our own mother did with us. Examining our intentions, our hopes, our children's needs and connecting with our own internal compass to guide our decisions is one way to mindful choices.
Perfection is not the point. Of course none of us are perfect. The point is being aware and actively try to make choices from a place of love and awareness. This to me is one of the great aspects of choosing to parent without punishments or rewards. It forces you to be creative, brainstorm, and come up with new ways of doing things. You are more likely to have discussions and problem solve when you are in the mode of being your child's partner. The same friend who posted the humorous status above has had to be creative recently with her older son and his bathroom/sleep needs. Last summer after he turned 5 he started having accidents in his bed at night. He had been fully potty trained and dry through the nights for quite some time. So now, before going to bed herself, my friend carries her son to the bathroom (he's usually been asleep for a few hours by this time) and has him pee. She then guides him back to bed - he actually walks himself and never fully wakes up! I asked her if she was nervous the first time she tried this and she said yes. I mean, no one wants to wake up their sleeping child! But it works for them, and I love her for creatively and lovingly meeting his need. My own son Gerry has been fully potty trained during the day since he was 2 1/2 - I remember because the exact day that marked his 2 1/2 year birthday he did his first successful outing without diapers. Nighttime is still a work in progress - he is probably dry 90% or more of the time. But the kid does not want to put a diaper on! No way, no how - he is DONE. D - U -N So for the last several months we usually put a diaper - disposable or cloth - on him after he fell asleep (unless we were feeling daring and just decided to risk it!) Usually it was no big deal - especially if I did it right after he fell asleep and he was in a deep sleep. Sometimes it was a pain when he stayed up late and I was exhausted. Pulling his shorts down was always a bit risky as as "wake up" factor. Luckily he easily goes back to sleep by nursing. And it was worth leaving his dignity intact. Our newest solution is to put a cloth diaper right over his shorts (see photo above). It's working well! Since we started doing that consistently he's been dry every morning! Go figure. My point in sharing these two stories (both about sleep and potty) is that there are often solutions to situations that are not immediately obvious or the "norm". By being creative and flexible we are modeling not only those attributes, but also showing our children that we are ready to support them the best we can. No, we are not perfect and do not have all the answers but we are their partners. Also we can try things and see if they work - if they don't, try something else! Fear often stops us from even trying. Fear of what others think, fear of being "weird", or just plain fear of waking your sleeping child! I'd love to hear some times when you've been able to "Think Outside the Diaper" - whether you are a parent or not! Creative problem solving feels GOOD - share some of your brilliant moments! You may inspire someone else... And I'll leave you with some more Wubbzy Wisdom, my Happy and Deep Mascot ;-) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By The Book Lyrics: Bob Boyle / Music: b. Mossman It's good to do things the proper way But if it goes wrong that's okay If it's not right, don't be uptight It doesn't have to be by the book By the book...By the book It doesn't have to be by the book If you're out to have some fun but you find there is no sun It's okay, enjoy the day Even if it's not by the book If you want to play a game but the pieces aren't the same There's a way for you to play Even if it's not be by the book By the book...By the book It doesn't have to be by the book If the recipe calls for Doodleberry Jam...Doodleberry Jam! But all you have is Polka-Dot Ham...Polka-Dot Ham! It's not a waste Enjoy the taste Cuz it doesn't have to be by the book When you're building something cool but you don't have the right tool It is fine to re-design It doesn't have to be by the book If you have a fancy hat but you find it's rather flat Don't be blue, try something new It doesn't have to be by the book By the book...By the book It doesn't have to be by the book It's good to do things the proper way But if it goes wrong that's okay If it's not right, don't be uptight It doesn't have to be by the book I love that it is 1:30 am and I can't sleep. I love that I was hungry so I got up and ate pancakes with butter and syrup and drank milk. I love that my daughter is my teacher even though everyone thinks that I am hers. I love butter. I love food. I love hearing my son's laugh everyday and watching his whole face light up with joy. I love that I will probably be tired tomorrow and maybe even grumpy, but that I've noticed I am less grumpy since I've started writing. I love that now when I can't sleep I try doing different things. I love sunny, breezy days. I love seeing friends and impromptu play-dates. I love going for a walk with a neighborhood friend and her dog. I love syrup. I love knowing that even when things are really hard, they will get better. I love that when I feel alone, there will be a time in the near future when I won't. I love to say the word FUCK in my head - still not out loud, but it's fun to write too! I love people who curse and OWN IT. I love people who never swear and don't need to. I love learning every day. I love trying new things and going to new places. I love carbs. I love giving birth. I love helping other people prepare to give birth. I love that my kids like watching birth videos. I love that Gerry has put baby dolls through a model pelvis. I love the cherry blossoms in the spring. I love Christmas carols. I love Wubbzy songs....  Treasure from recent Treasure Hunt - oh yeah, I love Sangria too! Treasure
Lyrics: Bob Boyle / Music: b. Mossman Life is filled with treasure For everyone to see Having fun with every day That’s the way to beThere’s no map to show the way Find the treasure in every day There’s no X to mark the spot Find the treasure in what you’ve got Yes! Life is filled with treasure It’s everywhere you look It’s in a piece of chalk And it’s in a comic book Ah! Life it filled with treasure Just listen and you’ll hear A happy singing bird Or your friend approaching near Yo-ho ho The treasure has been found Now that we know: There’s treasure all around! Life is filled with treasure There’s no need to dig It doesn’t have to be of gold It doesn’t have to be so big Oh! Life is filled with treasure It’s not hard to find Plants everywhere Animals of every kind You can find it under a rock Or in a dirty sock It might be a piece of string ‘cause there’s treasure in everything Oh! Life is filled with treasure And the treasure never ends You can feel it in your heart And share it with your friends Yes! Life is filled with treasure Life is filled with treasure Life is filled with treasure!  Wubbzy... Happy and Deep, all at the same time. The things that you learn as a parent... There is seriously a Wow Wow Wubbzy song for every occasion. I kid you not. I know because I hear these songs every day -Gerry LOVES him some Wubbzy. It was hard to choose which song to share for my first ever Wubbzy Wisdom post. I finally settled on "Love Is All Around." It seemed appropriately happy and deep. I was doing a writing exercise tonight that I found on another blog that asked me to choose three words to describe myself. It is difficult to choose only three! I had chosen Thoughtful, Fun, and Open, but now as I write this, "Happy and Deep" those two words seem pretty good too. This blog seems kinda heavy sometimes, but my real life is anything but. It is fun! I am fun, goshdarnit! Every day I get to play and laugh and grow and I feel so grateful for this life. I have a lot going on in the next several weeks. June 1st (this Friday!) marks the start of The Invincible Summer writing e-course and The Self Love Revolution (It's free, check it out!) Next week I celebrate my 34th birthday and I seriously believe some awesome stuff is in store for me in my 35th year. It's hard to believe that we are almost half-way through another calendar year. But 2012 has already been amazing and I only expect it to get better. So I am unofficially and publicly releasing myself of my two posts per week goal. It was a great way to get me writing and it served it's purpose, but with all this Self-Love and other commitments (my next Hypnobabies class is also starting in less than 3 weeks) I need to let some things go. Who knows, maybe I'll write more here or maybe I'm going to take a little break, I'm not sure. I've been really following my heart and writing when the urge strikes. The past week I've had little desire to write which is strange after months of basically being ON FIRE for writing. But we've been busy and I've been content. Busy and content is not the best recipe for writing inspiration. So enjoy this tidbit of Wubbzy Wisdom. In light of the upcoming Self Love Revolution this last verse seemed especially appropriate, "If you want to find some love, Here’s the place to start, Look into the mirror, It’s right there in your heart." Rest assured - there will be future Wubbzy posts for your enjoyment. Because Wubbzy is happy... and deep... and I like that. Love Is All Around
Lyrics: Bob Boyle / Music: b. Mossman You are loved We all care There is love, love, love everywhere! And, Love is all around Love is all around Love is all around Love, love, love It’s all around It’s in the sky It’s on the ground Love, love, love It’s everywhere It’s in a flower It’s in your hair Love is in the people you meet Love is in the food you eat Love is in a game you play And love is in a word you say And, Love is all around Love is all around Love is all around Love, love, love It’s in everything It’s in a book Or a song you sing Love, love, love It’s everyday Summer or winter September or May If you want to find some love Here’s the place to start Look into the mirror It’s right there in your heart And, Love is all around (Love is all around) Love is all around (Love is all around) Love is all around (Love is all around) Love, love, love It’s all around Sunday morning I felt anxious, nauseous and panicky, and I was having a hard time focusing on anything. One thing good about nervous energy is using it to do stuff - like dishes, laundry etc. But it isn't so great for being present OR joyful, as your mind races around in circles. I revisited my post from Friday and thought about my timing - I chose Good Friday and Easter weekend to reveal that I can't think of my children or myself as sinners anymore. Good Friday - the day Jesus died for our sins. Oh the irony. I really didn't plan it that way it all - it just happened. So I definitely felt more than a little bit hypocritical today as my kiddos looked for their Easter baskets and indulged in chocolate. I felt like I had jumped out of a plane. I thought that my parachute was in good working order, but today I was feeling the need for my backup. It is so easy to get paranoid after you lay your soul out for people to see. Especially when you get very little feedback. Our minds quickly jump to what we "know" others must be thinking about us. This is what I was doing. So, what helped me re-center myself was a few things. First lying down with Gerry during his nap and putting a guided meditation on. That helped a lot, my mind relaxed and I woke up rested. Then the rest of the day I spent with my kids and husband, mostly outside. It was wonderful. And just like that I am back in a better space and all the things I was telling my panicked self this morning, I can see are true. (Namely, I can only be true to myself and control my actions/reactions. I cannot control how other people react, nor can I "know" what other people are thinking. As of yet I still don't have any supernatural ESP powers, or anything like that.) So, I need to talk more about insecurity and inspiration. I'm going to level with you all. I think that this space will be more inspiring for me and readers if it is more interactive. Even though I have not been getting a lot of comments, I know there are people reading. No, once again I'm not psychic - Let me show you how I know:  Pretty cool, huh? I really like weebly! If you want to start a blog yourself, I think it's a pretty good way to go. Anyways, part of me wonders if my friends are just too nice to comment. They *may* be thinking, "Wow, Susan has *really* lost her marbles! But you know, she is nice and I don't want to hurt her feelings so I'll just read and not comment." Or maybe most of what I'm posting is just really not that interesting or thought provoking to people, in which case I don't blame you. If I'm not stirring anything in you I don't expect a comment. And part of me also wonders if I really am ready or want comments - I mean do I have tough enough skin? Ideally, even if you don't agree with me you could post a comment in a respectful manner and we could actually have some interesting (possibly inspiring!) dialog. I remember way back when I started my first blog my good friend Kimmy (are you reading right now??) told me that it was a faux pas for people to read and NOT comment. I now realize that really most people don't ever comment - I know that I read blogs way more than I comment.
Anyways, readers I know that you are out there! I would love to write more about what you are interested in and maybe get more interaction. But either way I'm still feeling good about writing. It's fun. I've been thinking about inspiration and how to keep it going lately. I've realized that inspiration and most things in life are just like exercising our bodies. We have to actively do things to keep inspiration flowing. Just like I can't expect to show up at a 10K race and run if I haven't been working out, I can't expect my creativity to just turn on if I haven't been using it. One practice that helps me is to read other inspiring, thought-provoking writers. I'm also finding a better balance in my life and tuning into things that I need to feel good. I have a new idea that there are 3 things right now that really feed me - writing, meditation, and exercise. I feel like if I can do at least 2 of these every day and regularly do all 3 I am taking care of myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. (I haven't really gotten on the exercise part yet, but I will get there, I know it!) It's quite amazing to me how since I've been writing and meditating how much more present I've been with my family and just so... happy. I don't feel like I'm constantly fighting what my needs are versus my kids' needs. But every once in a while, I feel like - oh man, maybe I'm going to run out of things to write about. But usually when I feel like that it is because I'm needing something else - namely food or rest. Once things get back in balance, the ideas and inspiration flow again. So I think to keep inspiration flowing one needs to taking care of oneself, actively seek inspiration, and also take time away - to get out into the world and most importantly, be with the people who matter most to you. It hasn't escaped my attention either that the most feedback I've gotten has been about pictures and periods (oh and being a feedback junkie, ha!) I do feel a bit like I'm getting lost in a lot of philosophical ramblings and that maybe it would be good to mix it up with some more actual experiences I've had. So far I've kind of been writing about whatever is on my mind at the time, because that is the easiest (especially when your baby doesn't go to sleep till midnight!) But I have quite a few ideas and even some posts started. Things that I definitely will touch on sometimes in the future: any and all things (attachment) parenting - from sleeping and breastfeeding, to food and poop (ah, who doesn't want to read about that!), natural birth, more on unschooling and what I see happening every day with my kids, what does "balance" mean to me, and how the heck did I get here... So peeps, if you are curious about any of the above or anything else I have written about in the past, let me know and I will write about it sooner rather than later! (This is as close as I'm going to get to begging for comments... at least I know I'm in good company, I've read plenty of bloggers having similar sentiments!) Otherwise, I will just continue to obsess over my graph and write whatever fancies me at the moment. I hope you get your inspiration flow on this week! You deserve it ;-) |
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