 Besides my first giveaway, all the give aways celebrating my Blogiversary have been personal copies of books I love. Also, if you've been paying attention closely you may have noticed that the books have followed my path as a parent from Natural Family Planning and Breastfeeding, and Natural Child Birth, to Elimination Communication. This weeks giveaway ties all of these things together neatly in a pretty bow. This week I'm giving away Mayim Bialik's book, Beyond the Sling: A real-life guide to raising confident, loving children the attachment parenting way. I bought this book mostly because I love Mayim Bialik. Honestly, I didn't "need" it. By the time I read it I had two natural births, been breastfeeding for over 5 1/2 years, using baby carriers with ease, sleeping with my kids for 5+ years, and had two kids out of diapers - one of which I had used the principles elimination communication part-time to achieve potty independence. Yeah, I guess I'm kind of a poster mommy for attachment parenting. But what intrigues me about Mayim Bialik (besides that I loved the show Blossom) is all that I have in common with her. We are approximately the same age, went to school in the same period of time, I was a Brain and Cognitive Science major with a concentration in neuroscience, she has her PhD in Neuroscience, we got married and had two kids (very similarly spaced) in almost the same exact span of time - it's kind of uncanny! (And yes I want to be her friend in real life. Someday.) Of course there are differences, the biggest being her family is Jewish and mine Catholic, and of course that little actress thing she does on the side. ha. So last winter when I heard that she had a book coming out about attachment parenting I was interested to read it for fun. I also had just really started to get into writing, and the thought of writing my own book seriously crossed my mind for the first time. Then I saw the Table of Contents for Beyond the Sling.   Ugh. Seriously? This is TOO GOOD. Too simple and direct and so well organized. I LOVED IT already and I hadn't even gotten past the contents! But now what was *my* book going to be about?? Not to mention that it didn't seem quite fair since, you know, she's FAMOUS already.
Oh well, C'est la vie. I trust that when the time comes and I am ready, my own voice and message will come out in it's own unique way. Plus, *somehow*, *someway*, I'm going to get Mayim to write a forward for my book. That will even things out! Here are a couple of my favorite quotes and passages from early in the book: What I had discovered, and what I seek to share with you, dear reader, is this: you already know the majority of what you need to know to be an incredible parent (emphasis hers). It was only when I believed this and began to apply it consistently to my growing family that my anxiety, worry, and exhaustion began to lift. It was then that I truly began to enjoy being a parent and to see myself as a successful parent; not a perfect parent, and not always the most patient parent, but a sensitive, loving, and confident person who truly loves this life I have chosen. That's really what this book is about: empowering you to make the best choices for your kids. (p 5) My kids are flawed and they make plenty of mistakes, as do I. My kids are not always polite, patient, clean, wise, and quiet; nor am I, for that matter. (p 12) I love how Mayim presents attachment parenting. She is kind about it. She does not claim to know the right way for every parent, she is only sharing what works for her family. The two examples above show how she debunks any thought of "perfection" from the first pages of the book. It's not about being perfect it's about listening to your instincts and your children. Mayim puts all kinds of myths to rest about attachment parenting to rest (ie You have to be a "martyr" to do all that stuff! Only wealthy or advantaged people can afford to parent this way. Children will be spoiled, overindulged, whiny, etc. if parented this way. etc.) Not only does she address all of these concerns, but she does so with compassion, conviction, and humor. She acknowledges that everyone in the family has needs and that there are ways to meet these needs, it just may not be the way you used to before you had children or how you imagined it would look. And the really cool part is that she puts her PhD to good use and explains the SCIENCE behind attachment and why it just makes sense to parent this way. I've barely had this book in my possession 8 months - I even mentioned it here the day I received it in the mail! Mayim's book debuted a little before the controversy stirred up by the TIME cover showing a mom breastfeeding her 3 or 4 year old son standing up (not to mention the inflammatory title, "Are you mom enough?) In a way it was good publicity for her and she handled all of the extra attention extremely well. I myself wrote about being a "Closet Lactivist" and then why I think attachment parenting is the best way to parent during this time. It's been an eventful span of time for me personally as I know it has been for her. But I'm ready to let this gem of a book go and inspire a new mom (or dad!) so that another family can benefit from all her wisdom. Leave a comment - you may win a great book! (I will also put your name in additional times if you like my Facebook page, share a link on your FB page, or share my blog giveaway on your blog - just be sure to let me know in your comment!) ps This is my used copy of the book and there are a few pages in the beginning warped by some water damage - in my pre-baby days I would have said it was from reading in the bathtub. Not likely to be the case anymore - no this time it is probably from one of many water spills that occur in our house daily! Don't worry it's still legible.
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**WARNING** What started out as a post about Elimination Communication and Gerry's journey towards potty independence turned into a slew of incredibly cute pictures of him. You've been warned. Also, if you are interested in the book give-away for this week make sure you scroll down to the bottom past all the cuteness and leave a comment! Ok, so now that *that's* out of the way. Elimination communication. (From now on referred to as EC.) What is it? Well, there are different definitions and names - but basically it is meeting your baby's elimination needs without diapers. Now, before you stop reading, you should know that you can practice EC part-time. Also I used cloth diapers (with and without covers) and disposable diapers. We also used Gerber training pants starting about the time Gerry was 1 year old. I'm not going to get too deeply into the "how's" of EC (I'm giving away the book Diaper Free! for those of you interested in details, and if you don't win I highly recommend it!) But I do want to share with you our journey, the realities and challenges, the fun, some tips, and of course the cuteness. I started putting Gerry on the potty or holding him over a bathroom sink when he was a couple of weeks old. (I know the sink thing may sound "gross" to some of you unfamiliar with EC - well, let me just say it's no grosser than a poopie diaper - and easier to clean.) I actually won our little potty and the book that I'm giving away from another blogger in a give-away - I'm paying it forward this week! (Holy cow, I just looked back, and a LOT of people commented on that post - I'm feeling even more excited now {3 years later} that I won!) Looking back, I'd say that winning the give-away was a huge catalyst for me - I was interested in EC before Gerry was born, but in the tired haze that comes with a newborn, I wasn't sure I had the energy or desire to try something so new. But once I won, I was energized and ready to try! The awesome thing about trying to "catch" your babies pees and poops is that it is fun. Yep, you heard me right, it's fun! So once you catch a couple you are kind of hooked and want to keep trying. Another awesome thing is that you don't have to do EC 100% of the time - and we certainly didn't! I would definitely classify us as "part-time" ECers. We used cloth diapers, the potty, and actually I used more disposables with Gerry than I did with Marisol (I felt guilty about it, but it's the truth). It can be difficult imagining how to begin on this adventure. One suggestion is when you have some time at home to put baby on a waterproof pad covered with a blanket, either naked or with a light blanket covering them. Then you simply wait and keep track of how often they pee or if they give any signals before they go. This can give you a sense of how often they go and what patterns there may be. And of course you can try putting them on the potty if you suspect it's time! Usually when moms hold their babies on a potty or over a sink they make a noise like, "ssss" or grunting/bearing down sounds. Sometimes they just say whatever word they choose for eliminating. This is a VERY simplified version of the process - to be honest I can hardly remember now the beginning stages! What I can remember is how gratifying it is to have your baby eliminate *outside* of a diaper (and of course into a desired receptacle!) I pretty much continued to be surprised every time it happened! I invite you now to a photo "tour" of Gerry's journey towards potty independence. (You can dim the lights and put on your favorite potty music at this time if you so desire. Then proceed to scroll down the page {sorry, it's not automated, but the good news is that you can go at your own personalized pace, even stopping if you wish, to read the witty and poignant captions} ):  Love this picture! Love the chaos and seeing our tiny living space. And of course cute little baby Gerry! Also note the legwarmers - a great thing for babies using potties.  Gerry sitting on the potty at about 5 months.  We still used cloth diapers with covers a lot. We also used cloth diapers without covers so I would know almost immediately when he was wet and change him. I used covers more when Mike was home - he wasn't as comfortable with "misses" - aka pee pee wherever Gerry happened to be.  A little before Gerry's first birthday we started using Gerber training pants. They are not that absorbent, so we often used two pairs.  1 year old, near the cornfield behind Grandma and Grandpa's house  mmm... chocolate.  Naked time is always fun and helpful for learning too!  Sitting in a tub of corn.  Getting so big! 18 months old and in bigger training pants now.  Great for outside play too!  As a swimsuit...  Outside in my undies, eating a chocolate chip cookie in a fairy fort with my big sis - life doesn't get much better than this!  This picture was taken the morning of Gerry's 2nd Birthday. He was going quite often on the potty but as you can see we still used disposables at night.  I love this picture. That is all.  Getting to be an old pro at this potty thing!  Walking with Grandpa to the pool in my undies.  Christmastime and still using diapers sometimes.  Happy New Year! The first outfit Gerry wore consistently coming out of his 2-year-old-naked-phase (yes, there is an actual, clinically proven naked stage, I kid you not) It's the middle of winter, but shorts are better than nothing!  We went to NYC in January on a train. I remember he refused a diaper on the train and made it the whole way without an accident (even went on the train potty!) Here we are at a UR basketball game vs NYU - you can see the disposable sticking out a bit. It was probably one of his last...  This picture was taken the weekend Gerry was exactly 2 1/2 (January 23). I remember very distinctly because Nonna Gigi was visiting and we went to the mall - his first outing completely diaper free! We never looked back...  Still naked... (photo taken by big sis)  Visiting at a friend's in Florida in March. I remember because he had an accident... on the carpet next to the train table - oops! The train table was just too fun to stop playing! It was one of few though, he hasn't had very many.  Because it's too cute not to include...  Love our little potty! We still use it today.  April and still wearing the same outfit!  Oh. My. Goodness. I love this boy. (That's Marisol's baby helmet - flowers - covered with Thomas stickers - by the way)  We biked over to watch trains at the train station.  One of the last times we used a diaper at nighttime - we bought this diaper and he didn't wet it once! By his third birthday he was consistently dry through the night. So as you can see we used diapers a lot. But there were lots of times when we were home that he was naked, or in a cloth diaper without a cover, or later in his training pants. He never stayed wet long so he didn't get used to the feeling. Also I'm not going to lie, there were LOTS of misses. Some baby/carer couples get really good at knowing each others signals and rarely have misses, others are like me and deal with more. One thing that didn't bother me too much when he was a small baby, pre-mobility, is wet or dirty blankets - since I was used to washing diapers I just threw them in with the diapers. What's most important is your attitude. It's easy to get obsessed with the potty - especially once you've had some "success". But the best way to be is relaxed about it. If you're tired or overwhelmed, give yourself a break. You may want to wait on the nice carpets and cover as many surfaces as you can. Also don't worry about what other people think. I know I sometimes felt pressure for Gerry to "perform" since I was trying something so unconventional. But to be honest I always got positive reactions from people about his potty use. Of all the unconventional things I've tried, this seemed to be one that was easy for people to consider. I also usually just said, "I put him on the potty" instead of using the words Elimination Communication. I also never considered what we did "potty training". You may be wondering, why bother if the baby's just "going" wherever they need to all the time? Well, there are a LOT of benefits to using EC, even if only part-time. First of all any time baby goes on the potty, you are using one less diaper - better for your wallet AND the environment, no matter how you look at it! I also loved that Gerry never once had a diaper rash. His little bottom was clear and smooth his whole life! Marisol definitely had a couple of sore spots when she was a baby that were difficult to get rid of once they were irritated. The biggest benefit to me was how natural the whole process was for Gerry. Sitting on the potty is something he has done his whole life! There was no fear or resistance to it. I never forced him to sit or stay if he didn't want to. I don't know when he would have potty trained if we had just used diapers and tried to train him later in a more conventional way - but it does seem like "for a boy" he was using the potty quite early (this is the impression I get from many friends and experienced mothers I know). It was a slow, gradual journey and now that it's over, I hardly even remember it! It's good that I'm recording it now, because in a few years I'm likely to remember even less. Again, this is not "quicker" or "easier" and I know that for many families it may not fit into their daily lives. But for families that have a primary caregiver with the kids the majority of the time, who are looking for different, more natural options to diapers, EC (or Natural Infant Hygiene) may work for them. The first winter that I was home with both kids, Marisol basically went into a hibernation mode and I was home with them for long stretches of time. I figured since I was home I may as well put my time to good use! I'm really excited to pass this book onto someone who is interested in learning more about EC. In fact, I love this book so much, I'm kind of sad to see it go (I love her core parenting philosophy, very in line with much that I hold dear). But I'm working on letting things go (especially material things) - I don't need it at this stage in my life and I look forward to someone else benefiting from it. So please, leave a comment below to enter your name in the drawing! And remember, if you share and like my page you will get your name in multiple times!  |
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